


I Don't Know What I'd Be (Without You)

by lonelywriterboy



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boarding School, Cuddles, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fights, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, High School, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, OT3, Polyamory, Pre-OT3, Schmoop, School, Teenage Drama, bildungsroman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 03:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7417024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelywriterboy/pseuds/lonelywriterboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arin and Dan each have their own problems, and at first when they come to Pleasant Valley Academy it seems they won't be friends. However, they soon have a far greater problem overwhelming them, in the form of Jared Knabenbauer.</p><p>Written for the April-June 2016 Game Grumps Big Bang.</p><p>Also uh I disown Jon now he's disgusting</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Here are the triggers for the whole story: depression description, anxiety description, EDNOS description, OCD description, mental illness description, suicide mention, self harm mention, corporal punishment mention (and one description), drug reference and discussion, underage drinking, homophobic slurs, adolescent sexuality (non explicit, non pornographic).
> 
> Individual chapters will not be trigger warning-ed.
> 
> Mr Nolan is borrowed from the film 'Dead Poets Society'. Inspired by the 'Spud' books by John van de Ruit, 'Looking for Alaska' by John Green, my own pranks and misadventures at school, the two years my best friend spent at boarding school and 'Dead Poets Society'.

Arin had assumed that he'd be alone on the bus up to Pleasant Valley Academy – it was a highly exclusive school, after all, so surely most students would arrive via chauffeur? Apparently not. There were twenty other kids on the bus, which would be insignificant if they were travelling to a regular high school, but as the school only had just over four hundred pupils it was rather startling. _Maybe they're charity cases like me,_ Arin thought to himself, before quickly dismissing the idea. He was the first kid to be sent there on a therapeutic basis ever. Most likely they just lived too far away for their parents to justify driving down, instead choosing to shove their kid on a plane and let the bus take it from there.

“You gonna eat that?”

Arin jumped violently at the sudden voice in his ear, whipping around to find the source. Sat directly behind him, smirking, was a boy maybe his own age or a year older, with a violent puff of brown hair. Over the top of the ludicrous school uniform (which Arin had _not_ been told was part of the deal when he'd signed up to go to Pleasant Valley) he wore a black leather jacket.

“Yes.” Arin replied, remembering the sandwich which he'd been holding for at least ten minutes. His thoughts had been somewhere else entirely, and he'd forgotten about the lunch that his mom had packed for him. The last meal she'd cook for him for a whole semester, if not longer – it had been insanely expensive to fly him out to the school, it might be too much him to go back at the end of each semester. To Arin's absolute mortification, tears rose to his eyes, but he blinked and violently swallowed them.

“Dude, you okay? You look like I stabbed you, I only asked if you were gonna eat your sandwich.”

Some kind of response mumbled out of Arin, before he turned away from the kid. The tears couldn't be stopped this time.

* * *

 

In the pamphlets, Pleasant Valley Academy had looked beautiful – lush green fields, an incredible swimming pool, huge dorm rooms that were shared between just two pupils. The reality was even better – Arin felt almost reluctant to touch anything, as if he would sully things with a brush of the hand. The paths were cobbled, giving the whole campus a Victorian vibe which he loved, and trees and flowers were dotted across the whole place. It was stunning.

“Oi!”

Arin assumed the shout wasn't for him, but after a moment he heard footsteps pounding just behind him and then felt a bony hand grab his shoulder.

“Why didn't you stop?” the boy aggressively asked. Arin had at least four inches and fifty pounds on the guy, but he didn't seem deterred.

“I didn't know you were calling me.” Arin said, hiding a smile at the boy's Australian accent. He'd clearly been in America for quite a time, as his accent was faded, but it was still obvious where he came from.

“Idiot. I'm your dorm mate, Mr Wecht told me to take you to him.”

“Who's Mr Wecht?”

The boy looked even more annoyed and began to walk, his paces short and quick, pulling Arin along with him. “Physics teacher, head of our house, dickhead. Don't you know _anything_?”

Something in the boy's tone made Arin jolt to a stop and glower at him. “Don't talk to me like that.”

“Stop acting like you're something special. Come _on_ , I want to unpack before dinner or we'll lose dorm points – I sure as shit am not missing the weekend trip, so you can hurry up and do what I say.”

Arin swallowed the rage back before following the boy. There was no way he could spend a whole year sharing a room with this kid, it was absolutely impossible.

* * *

 

“Thank you, Ross. Wait outside so that you can show Arin to your room.”

The kid – Ross O'Donovan, he was called – rolled his eyes but obeyed, leaving the room with a bang.

“Good to meet you, Arin. Take a seat.”

Arin obeyed, rather over-awed at the room. His old school hadn't even _had_ Houses, just heads of grades, and their offices were nowhere near as nice as this one. It felt insanely Hogwarts-esque. Mr Wecht was incredibly different to the teachers at his old school too, he already found himself liking the man despite Ross calling him a dickhead – maybe even because Ross had called him a dickhead, because Ross was already high on the list of people Arin disliked.

“Now, I know you were told that you were the only student to be accepted into the new therapeutic boarding scheme this year, but there is actually another boy. He's a junior – I thought it'd be good for you both to make friends, you're gonna end up spending a lot of time together even if you aren't sharing classes.”

Mr Wecht was probably in his late twenties, with a mop of brown hair and a set of incredible muttonchops that made Arin want to laugh. He looked like someone's cool uncle, even with his jeans pulled practically up to his chin and his neatly tucked in shirt, and Arin absolutely warmed to him. However, one thing he had said bothered him.

“Aren't I a junior as well?”

The smile on Mr Wecht's face faded a little. “Your grades last year were too bad for us to let you into junior year – we know it's not your fault, but you'll have to redo sophomore year. It's the same for Dan, the other boy – he was due to be a senior this year but instead he's sitting junior year again.”

A familiar tide of frustration bubbled up within Arin, but he ignored it. “Will I still get to go to the art and animation classes?”

“Yes, of course – every grade participates in those. If you put them down as your electives, you'll be there.”

Arin nodded. “Thank you, sir.”

Mr Wecht's smile lit up once more. “You're a lot more respectful than many of the other pupils, Arin. I think we'll get on very well.”

This sentence put Arin a little more at ease. “Sir?”

“Yes?”

“I really don't think my roommate likes me.”

To Arin's surprise, Mr Wecht laughed. “Ross doesn't like many people. Try not to punch him too often.”

Arin found himself laughing too. “Yes, sir.”

“I'll see you soon for our first counselling session, Arin.”

As Arin left the room, he felt rather more prepared to take on Pleasant Valley than he had before.

* * *

 

He'd seen photographs, sure, but nothing could have prepared Arin for the dorm room. It was at least twice the size of his room at home, with a simple wooden bunkbed, two desks, two sets of drawers, two squat wardrobes, a sink and a window seat overlooking the sports fields of the school. Sunlight streamed in, and the yellow colour scheme was very pleasant on the eye.

It was amazing.

“I take bottom bunk.” Ross told Arin, throwing his rucksack onto the bottom bunk. Their luggage – two large, battered suitcases for Arin, and three polished trunks for Ross – had already been delivered and sat ready to be unpacked.

“Fine with me.” Arin replied, not looking for a fight. It took him less than five minutes to put away his clothes. The uniform had been purchased with a bursary from the school, and he hadn't bothered to bring too many of his own clothes – he didn't see the point. It wasn't like his family could pay for any of the trips the pamphlets had shown. He did, however, have a Metal Gear Solid poster, taken from his own bedroom wall at home.

“Is it okay with you if I pin this up?” Arin asked, glancing at Ross. The younger boy's packing style seemed to be to throw everything into the wardrobe and hope for the best – his regulation white shirts and grey trousers would be getting horribly wrinkled.

“What is it?”

“A video game poster.”

Ross's head shot up, and for the first time since their meeting he looked genuinely interested. “What game?”

“Metal Gear Solid.”

“I fucking love Metal Gear! Go ahead, man, put it up!”

Once the poster was up, Ross grabbed Arin by the shoulder and yanked him so that they were facing. “You into video games then?”

“Yeah.”

“You've gotta meet my friend Barry. He's only a freshman this year but he's cool.”

Slightly bewildered by Ross's sudden and spectacular change in personality, Arin decided to roll with it and nod. “Sure. Is there anywhere to play games here?”

A smirk appeared on Ross's face. “Not legally. We haven't been busted in over four years, though, so it's fine.”

“I thought you were all about dorm points, whatever they are.”

Ross laughed, but it wasn't an unpleasant or mocking laugh – he really seemed to have had a personality transplant, it was quite amazing. “Dorm points are deducted if your room is messy when the cleaner comes around, or if contraband is found in your room. If your dorm loses more than five in a semester, you lose weekend trips for the next semester. Weekend trips are when I see my girlfriend, so I'm not losing them. If you lose any, I'll beat your ass.”

“Okay, dude, calm down – I'm not gonna lose your boning time.”

A grin appeared on Ross's face, and a moment later he punched Arin in the shoulder. “You're not as annoying as I thought, Arin.”

Rubbing his shoulder, Arin allowed Ross to lead him out of the room.

* * *

 

Barry was probably the sweetest guy that Arin had ever met. He had awkward whispers of facial hair, and seemed to smile all the time, hiding his mouth his his hands whenever he was embarrassed. When he saw Ross, he grabbed him into a tight hug.

“It's been so long!”

Ross laughed and returned the hug. “So, who're you rooming with now that you're out of the big, bad communal elementary and middle school dorms?”

“Some new junior – Dan Avidan. Won't say a word to me. Who's this?”

“Arin Hanson. New sophomore. I thought he was a dickhead, but he likes gaming, so he can't be too bad.”

Barry grinned at Arin, prompting Arin to offer a hand to shake. To his surprise, Barry wrapped him in a tight hug, which he resisted for just a moment before returning. “I'm Barry.”

“Barry never stops hugging people. He's probably gay, so plug yourself up before you go to sleep.”

Ross's comment was said in a light way, clearly not meant to be offensive, but the familiar taste of worry began to fill Arin's throat, sour and slick. His old counsellor's words filled his mind, the advice he'd been given, and without thinking further he blurted out,

“I am gay, actually.”

Ross and Barry blinked, a moment of silence passing, before Barry replied, “We don't care. Vernon's gay too, maybe you two'll get along – I doubt it though, he's a jerk. Dan, my roommate, had a load of gay porn magazines as well.”

“You'll lose dorm points if they're found – want me to dispose of them?” Ross offered.

As the two began to chatter about this new kid, Dan, Arin felt relief flood through him. They didn't care. Holy _shit_. They weren't friends, not yet, but they seemed okay (except for Ross's strange explosions of rage) and they didn't care that he was gay.

For the second time that day, Arin had to hold back tears.

* * *

 

“Arin?”

The room was dark, the curtains drawn to hide the last rays of sunshine. Ross was lying on his claimed bottom bunk, while Arin wrote a letter home by torchlight on the top bunk.

“Yeah?”

“Stick with me tomorrow. Some fuckers'll try and pick on you 'cuz you're poor.”

Arin blinked and dropped the torch. “How d'ya know I'm poor?”

Ross snorted. “Oh _please_. Have you compared your clothes to everyone elses? Your suitcases? It's obvious. They'll kick your ass.”

“You didn't seem particularly thrilled to meet me, either.”

“Yeah, that's because I thought I'd room with Barry and I was pissed that Wecht had shoved me in with you.” Ross replied. “But you seem alright. You look older than we do so you'll be able to get booze for us.”

Arin decided to ignore the last point that Ross made – he had no intentions of getting into trouble, and he didn't drink anyway. Instead he addressed something that had been bothering him. “Ross, why don't you like Mr Wecht?”

A noise akin to a dog growl escaped Ross's throat. “Caught Mark – that's a mate of mine – and I stealing ethanol from the science labs last year. We had to apologize to the whole _school_ , it was so fucking unnecessary, and we had to go see the principal! Fucking overkill.”

“Kind of your own fault, dude.”

Like a petulant toddler, Ross harrumphed loudly before turning over, making Arin grin.

 

 


	2. Settling In

Ross had never laughed so hard in his life when he awoke to see Arin falling to the floor with a thump, looking absolutely bewildered. The rising bell was startling the first time you heard it, sure, but to literally fall off of the top bunk was beyond ridiculous.

“Go fuck yourself.” Arin grumbled, picking himself up and throwing his cover back onto the bed. “Where the fuck are the showers?”

“I'll take you.” Ross said, before bursting back into laughter. “Your face!”

As Arin gathered together his uniform, towel and toiletries, he contemplated how different and yet how similar this was to home. At home, it'd be his brother that he'd share good-natured banter with before showering. Here, it was Ross, the weirdly angry kid he would share a room with for at least a year. Ross seemed to have accepted that fact and abandoned modesty long before Arin ever would – he'd leapt out of bed naked, putting boxers on only as an afterthought before indicating that Arin should follow him. The corridors were still pretty empty, and when Ross lead Arin to a bathroom he was pleased to find it still empty.

“Most people wait until the second bell to get up. If you want a shower that's not covered in pubes and spunk, get here as soon as possible.”

Without any shame, Ross stripped off his boxers, leaving them along with his uniform on a bench and picking a cubicle to shower in. Arin couldn't do the same – he simply wasn't confident enough, not with everything that had happened to him. Instead, he backed into the cubicle and haphazardly hung his uniform on one of the pegs inside, his towel over the top to keep it as dry as possible. The concept of a uniform for school was very new to Arin – as it would be to most American kids used to public school – and he wasn't sure exactly how tidy he was supposed to be. As he stepped into the shower, he heard someone enter the room, singing quietly to themselves. Their voice was a little husky, but was generally excellent, and they sang a lot better than Arin ever could have. Ross chose that precise moment to switch on his shower, and the singer abruptly stopped – evidently, he had thought he was alone in the bathroom. Arin felt a little sad for the guy as he began to shower. There wasn't much opportunity for a quiet place to sing in a boarding school.

* * *

 

“Physics first? Fuck!”

Their timetables were spread over a spare table in the dining hall, roughly organised by grade so that it would be easier to find them (except for the kids who were of elementary school age, who were organised by their class teacher and didn't need timetables, and ate in a different room besides). It was embarrassing, having to stand with kids a whole year younger than him and find his timetable, but Arin tried to ignore it. Hell, none of these kids even knew he was older than them, and he didn't plan on enlightening them.

“O'Donovan, language!” snapped a teacher, making Ross jumped. He turned and gave them an apologetic look, eyes wide.

“Sorry, ma'am.”

The teacher rolled her eyes and moved on, evidently used to Ross's ways.

“Do you have Mr Wecht again?” Arin asked as the two of them shuffled into the breakfast line, both clutching their timetables. As Ross slopped some porridge onto his tray, he nodded.

“Fucking psychopath. He's _married_ , fuck knows how. Are you in my class?”

Arin checked his timetable before nodding. He had Physics with Mr Wecht thrice a week, and he found himself looking forward to it. Mr Wecht had seemed a really good guy from their brief meeting, and it'd be interesting to see sparks fly between him and Ross. The two chose a corner table to sit in, and were quickly joined by Barry and two other boys – one pale with a green streak dyed through his brown hair, the other mixed race and smiling, a matching red streak in his own hair.

“Hey Ross – got your timetable?”

Ross nodded before spewing out a tirade against Mr Wecht (who was seated across the hall, and thankfully couldn't hear Ross). The two boys with dyed hair turned to Arin, rolling their eyes – clearly they were used to Ross's tirades.

“I'm Sean, most people call me Jack.” the one with the green streak said, giving Arin an energetic handshake before downing his mug of coffee in one go.

“I'm Mark. You're Ross's new roommate? I slept next to him all through middle school, I hope you don't mind snoring.”

Arin nodded and gave them both a smile. Jack was clearly Irish, his voice lilting and thickly accented. Mark had a deep, rich voice which felt strangely out of place in a skinny, short teenaged boy – evidently puberty had hit his voice before anything else.

“Are you both sophomores?” Arin asked.

“I'm a freshman, he's a sophomore.” Jack replied. “There's an Irish sophomore called Jack too, but he doesn't have the green hair.”

There was a moment of silence before Barry turned to them and spoke – Ross had finally finished bitching about Mr Wecht. “Hasn't anyone bust your balls for the hair yet?”

Both Mark and Jack laughed. “Mr Lilley told me he liked it, and then told me to get rid of it before he had to report it.” Mark said, a smile on his face.

“Can't you dye your hair here?” Arin asked, surprised. Despite having a crazily high average SAT score and a fantastic academic reputation, the school had seemed pretty chilled out thus far – it surprised him to learn that hair dye was banned.

“No unnatural colours – jeez, Arin, didn't you read the handbook?” That was Ross, of course, speaking through a mouthful of milk. Arin felt a lot more at ease whenever Ross was rude to him now, despite them having only met the day before – it seemed he was rude to everyone.

“Oh yeah, it riveted me.” Arin said, his voice deadpan. “Of course I didn't! Does _anyone_ read school handbooks?”

“You should read it.” Barry advised, his serious sweetness making Arin wonder why he was friends with Ross. They were like chalk and cheese! “You don't want to get a detention for a rule you didn't know existed, or get sent to the principal.”

“Detention isn't that-”

All of the boys shook their heads. “You've never had a Pleasant Valley detention.” Barry replied. “Ever ran five miles at 5am? Or spent your entire weekend raking the school garden? It's not just writing lines.”

At that moment, the bell rang to indicate the end of breakfast. As the boys left the table, Arin heard Ross say to Barry, “Let him fuck up himself. He'll read the damn handbook once he's been sent to the principal's office.”

* * *

 

Arin couldn't stop staring as he looked around the science lab. It was huge, with cupboards full of all sorts of mysterious bottles, jars and specimens, a mixture of glass, plastic, wood and metal desks for different purposes and experiments, and a huge chalkboard at the front of the room. There was a computer for the teacher's use, but it wasn't linked up to a projector.

“Stand around the back of the room, I'll tell you the seating plan.”

The class size was very small compared to public school standards – only fifteen kids. There was Ross, Arin, Mark, and then other kids that Arin knew he'd probably get to know intimately well over the course of a year. There were only twenty-two kids in their entire grade, so it wouldn't be hard.

The fact that they'd get to know him intimately well too hit him hard, and made him wince. He didn't particularly want them to know the ins and outs of his fragile mental health.

“Right, settle down. Ross, Tom, Mike, front row.”

Ross pulled a face of absolute disgust at Mark and Arin before obediently sitting in the front row, two burly looking boys sitting as far away from him as they could. Evidently, Ross wasn't well liked by the jocks of the school. Mark was put on the next row with two more kids that Arin didn't catch the names of, and then Arin found himself on the third row, sandwiched between a lanky kid named Jared and a boy named Vernon, who wore several different gay pride badges prominently on his blazer.

“You the new kid? Do you want some gum?”

Vernon held a packet out to Arin under the desk, and he accepted a piece, smiling at the kid. Almost the instant he placed the piece of gum into his mouth, Mr Wecht stopped reading out the list of names and said, “Arin, spit that gum out.”

Arin found himself blushing as every pair of eyes in the room watched him walk to the front of the class and spit the gum into the trash. Vernon was grinning widely, evidently having planned this trick – as Arin sat down again, he high fived Jared. Moments later, the class began.

* * *

 

“Vernon thinks he's funny, but he's really not. In our grade, I'm the funny one.”

Ross had watched the whole exchange between Vernon, Jared, Arin and Mr Wecht, and had immediately swarmed up to Arin after the class, fists clenched. He seemed primarily angry at Mr Wecht, which didn't make sense to Arin – after all, he was only doing his job.

“Oh really? What funny stuff do you do?”

“Last year I doused two hundred tampons in pigs blood and hid them all around the campus. We had to be fucking _evacuated_ because it was a health risk, and I never got caught!”

Arin allowed himself to grin. “That's dumb. What class do you have now?”

“Animation – you?”

“Animation! I need you to show me the room anyway, I have no idea where anything is.”

Ross nodded, directing Arin through corridors which seemed endlessly identical and ceaselessly boring. “We'll get Vernon back later. There's usually a dorm inspection for contraband the first night, I'll go to the bathroom during class and plant something in his room.”

“You have contraband?” Arin asked, alarmed. He wasn't a squeaky-clean, perfect kid, but he had no desire to get into trouble on his first full day at the school. Ross laughed at the expression of horror on his face.

“Relax. I've only been caught with contraband once, and I've been here since I was five. Another reason you should read the handbook – list of contraband. There's some surprising shit on the list as well as everything you'd expect.”

“Don't put anything too bad in there.”

A mischievous grin appeared on Ross's face. “A few tampons and a receipt for pigs blood would probably come under 'too bad', wouldn't it?”

When Arin firmly nodded, Ross laughed. “God, it's like I've made friends with Barry 2.0.”

* * *

 

Even notes seemed fancier at the new school. While a note from a teacher at his public school would have been scrawled on a scrap of notepaper and sent via whatever student happened to be in the corridor at that moment, at Pleasant Valley they arrived on neat little cards personalised with the name, position and room number of the teacher it was from, via prefect. It was incredible. When Arin's first note arrived halfway through History on his second full day, he took a moment to admire how pretty it was (and how far removed from his normal life) before reading.

_First session during prep – be there at 8. It'll be with Dan. -Mr Wecht_

In History, Arin had been placed next to Jared, who seemed to be Vernon's superior within the friendship. He immediately peered over Arin's shoulder and tried to read the note – the teacher had stepped out of the classroom for a moment, and so much more like at his public school, the classroom descended into anarchy.

“Piss off.” Arin said, flipping the note over before stuffing it into his bag. Jared smirked.

“In trouble already, Hanson? Gotta go see big, bad Mr Wecht?”

“Fuck off! It's nothing.”

“Oh yeah, _nothing_.” Jared replied, a lazy grin on his face. “Mr Wecht only calls people to his office if he wants to bust their balls.”

“You seem pretty interested, Jared. Do you have a crush on Mr Wecht? You want to get your balls bust by him?”

Arin had met crazy kids before. He had met violent kids, vicious kids, unpredictable kids – you didn't get through two stays on a psych ward and hundreds of hours of therapy without coming across some weird, fucked up, mental kids. With all that experience, he still didn't expect what happened next.

Jared's fist swung towards his face and impacted sharply, knocking him down against the desk. In an instant, he was up again, leaping to his feet with his fists clenched. He never started fights, but he was awfully good at finishing them. He didn't have a chance to do anything, however, before someone leapt onto Jared's back and began pummelling his stomach and yanking his long hair. Arin half expected it to be Ross, and was startled to see it was Barry (who took rather a lot of sophomore classes, he was a very smart kid) – sweet, pacifist Barry! Evidently three days knowing someone wasn't enough to tell whether they were crazy enough. Just as Arin jumped into the fray and tried to separate the two boys, vaguely aware of blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth, a hand landed on his shoulder and pulled him back. It wasn't Vernon as he anticipated, though – it was the teacher, a small, quiet woman with mousy hair. The whole class watched, rather awed, as she pushed Barry off of Jared and spun the two boys around.

“Barry, Arin – go and see Mr Wecht. Jared, Mr Lilley. Move!”

 


	3. Making Enemies

Arin and Barry walked to the office, Arin bleeding from both his nose and mouth and Barry red faced and panting, Barry burst suddenly and spectacularly into tears.

“Dude, are you okay?” Arin asked, turning to Barry and resting a hand lightly on his shoulder. Barry shook his head.

“I don't Mr Wecht to be mad at me.”

“He's a nice guy, he'll understand.” Arin replied, before feeling rather stupid. Barry had known Mr Wecht for a lot longer than he had, and so his impression of the man was probably more accurate.

“You don't understand.” Barry said, wiping the tears away from his eyes roughly. “I don't want to be in trouble.”

“I'll explain you were defending me. You were really fucking cool, Barry, jumping in there like a ninja. I've only known you for like, three days, and you're already an awesome friend.”

A small smile appeared on Barry's face. “Mr Wecht is still gonna kick our asses.”

“He's not gonna kick us out, he's not totally unreasonable. Calm down, dude. Ross'll probably be super proud of you for fucking Mr Wecht off.”

Barry nodded, an expression of resolve appearing on his face. “Right. Come on then, let's go.”

* * *

 

Arin had been yelled at plenty of times in his life by a whole variety of different people – parents, teachers, other kids. He had never experienced anything quite like a wrathful Mr Wecht before, though. Instead of raising his voice, he became very quiet and deadly calm, staring directly into their eyes as he told them exactly how terrible they were. If Arin were to list all the bollockings he'd had in his life, this one would shoot straight to number one. He felt awful, hot and embarrassed, and Barry was crying again next to him.

“Barry, I've known you since you were five years old – I am frankly _disgusted_ that you chose to act that way, in defence of a friend or not. Nobility is one thing, stupidity is another, and you crossed the line. What would a smarter action have been?”

Arin hated it. Instead of just getting his anger out of his system, Mr Wecht kept on asking them questions and bringing the reality of the situation far closer to them, making them squirm.

“To get a teacher.” Barry dully replied, staring at the ground with tear-filled eyes.

“As for you, Arin, I am incredibly disappointed. This is a new school, a fresh start, and you've already gotten into a fight. Your last school may have tolerated such misbehaviour, but we don't.”

Almost seventeen years old, and he was getting told off for his 'misbehaviour'. Arin felt about six years old.

“Sorry, sir.” Arin found himself saying, forcing his eyes to meet Mr Wecht's. He expected anger, but all he saw was disappointment, which made him feel even worse.

“It was Jared's fault, though, sir.” Barry suddenly said, making Arin wince. For a shy kid, he had a great talent for riling Mr Wecht up even more. “He was egging Arin on, and he threw the first punch.”

“I am well aware of who is at fault, Barry, _thank you_.” Mr Wecht's voice was icy, to the point where both boys actually shivered, thoughts of their impending doom filling their mind. Maybe Ross had had a point – Mr Wecht was terrifying. “Since you have both acted like ten year olds, I think you should be treated like ten year olds. You will eat in the middle school dining hall at the fourth grade table for the next two weeks, and you'll go to bed at the fourth grade curfew for two weeks too – nine PM.”

Neither Barry nor Arin had anything to say to that, so simply nodded.

“Barry, go back to class. Arin, I need to talk to you for a moment.”

Barry flashed a brief, sympathetic look at Arin before scampering out of the room, evidently glad to have escaped.

“Arin, I'm surprised at you.”

The cold tone had vanished from Mr Wecht's voice and was replaced by warm sympathy. Arin and Barry had been left standing for the entire twenty minute scolding, but now Mr Wecht indicated a chair for Arin to sit in.

“Why?” Arin bitterly replied. “I fuck everything up wherever I go.”

“No you don't.” Mr Wecht said, one eyebrow raised. “That's what your mental illnesses tell you, but you don't fuck everything up, not by a long shot. You've already made friends with Ross O'Donovan, and he's one of the ballsiest, least approachable kids I've ever met.”

Surprise at hearing a teacher say 'fuck' (and not yelling at him for his own use of the word) briefly overwhelmed Arin, but was quickly replaced by the familiar sour feeling of sadness. “I never fit in anywhere.”

Mr Wecht gently touched Arin's chin with one finger, and lifted it so that they were looking into one another's eyes. “You're fitting in here excellently. You have friends and all of the teachers who have taught you thus far give excellent reports.”

“Vernon and Jared hate me.”

“Vernon and Jared are two very silly young men who have an awful lot of growing up to do.”

To Arin's utter humiliation, tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks. “I can't do anything right.”

“Arin, you have depression and an eating disorder. You're doing just fine, trust me.”

A moment of silence passed between the two men, student and teacher, before Mr Wecht stood up and indicated that Arin should do the same. It took the older man less than a second to cross around the desk and pull Arin into a tight, messy hug. He smelled of cologne and warm bread, and Arin felt at home for a moment.

“You're doing well, Arin, I promise you. Don't forget our appointment tonight.”

* * *

 

Barry's roommate was called Dan, and the kid he was sharing some therapy sessions with was also called Dan – Arin knew this, and had put together that they were probably one and the same person. He hadn't, however, expected to walk into Mr Wecht's office and find the sandwich guy from the first bus into school to be lounging opposite Mr Wecht, a hand-rolled cigarette of some type tucked very obviously behind one ear.

“Arin! Good to see you – come in, sit down.”

Arin sat on the chair furthest from Dan that he could, wary of the guy. He was cute, but he'd been just plain rude on the bus in, and he had trouble written all over him. If Mr Wecht would verbally destroy him like he had earlier just for getting punched, he didn't want to think about what'd happen if he involved himself with an obviously trouble-maker like Dan.

“I think you two have a mutual friend – Barry Kramer?”

Dan's nose wrinkled as if he had smelled something disgusting. “Kramer isn't my friend.”

The disdain in his voice riled Arin – what was wrong with Barry? He was an awesome guy – he'd fought a guy about a foot taller than him in defence of someone he'd only known for a couple of days! Before he could say anything to Dan, however, Mr Wecht cut in.

“You two are the pioneering pupils of the therapeutic boarding program at Pleasant Valley. How you two turn out will have a big role in whether more kids will get to come here in future. I want to help you both.”

Arin nodded, while Dan simply leant back, reached into his pocket and withdrew a piece of gum, slipping it into his mouth and staring at the ceiling, apparently bored.

“Today I just want to check your diagnoses and what medication you're on – you two both consented to close group therapy in your application forms, so you'll be seeing a lot of one another.”

“No!” Dan suddenly exclaimed, pushing back from the desk and standing up. “I'm not gonna spill my guts in front of a little kid, screw you!”

“Dan, sit down.” Mr Wecht's voice remained pleasant and calm, his eyes focused on Dan's. The boy looked frustrated, but after a moment kicked the desk and sat down. Meanwhile, Arin marvelled – something about Mr Wecht's nice-guy persona worked even on brats like Dan.

“I'm on 30mg Vyvanse and 60mg Prozac.” Arin said, not particularly caring if Dan knew. Ross had seen him pop the pills every morning, and except for a raised eyebrow hadn't commented on them. “I used to have Diazepam injections, the second time I was on the psych ward, but I haven't needed it in almost a year.”

“2mg Xanax, 80mg Prozac.” Dan said, his voice suddenly calm. He made Arin extremely uneasy, despite having only spent a few moments with him. His mood seemed to swing everywhere. “Diagnosed with OCD and depression.”

“EDNOS, depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder.” Arin added, glancing at Dan. He'd been expecting to hear some kind of psychotic illness from the mood swings that the older boy had shown – Arin had had a friend like that in the psych ward. Michael. A perfect gentleman, sweet, funny and kind...and then he'd have a psychotic episode and he'd be terrified, screaming and sobbing, lashing out at anyone and everyone.

Michael had died shortly after leaving the ward.

Something about connecting Michael and Dan inside of his own head, even if their circumstances were clearly different, made Arin want to befriend Dan. Michael had needed a friend, back in the psych ward – maybe Dan needed that too.

“That's all I want for tonight – I just wanted to confirm that I had the right details. I'll see you tomorrow for your first individual session, Dan - Arin, I'll let you know when yours is.”

As the two stood to leave the room, Mr Wecht called, “Arin, don't forget to go to bed at nine.” with just the slightest smile on his face, a teasing smile. Arin rolled his eyes back at the man.

Mr Wecht was cool.

* * *

 

Arin hadn't had much chance to talk to Ross that day, and was pleasantly surprised to find the boy waiting for him when he arrived back at their dorm room. He had expected the boy to be off playing video games, wherever it was that he did so – he still hadn't explained that. Instead, he was sat at his desk, one leg jiggling impatiently up and down.

“Arin! Have you heard what Mr Lilley did to Jared?”

Arin shook his head. “No, man.”

“He's gated for two weeks, and he has to go to the principal on Saturday!”

“Gated?”

“Grounded. Can't go on any weekend trips, or out to town or anything. But he has to see the _principal_!”

Arin shrugged. “So?”

“Have you still not read the fuckin' handbook?” Ross asked incredulously, staring at Arin. When Arin shook his head in response, Ross rooted through his desk and produced the thick school handbook which Arin had stuffed into his own desk without a second thought. “Being sent to Mr Nolan, the school principal, incurs automatic corporal punishment.” Ross read. “You get the fucking crap beat out of you!”

“Oh God, Jared's gonna get that? I should talk to him, I shouldn't have-” Arin began, only for Ross to cut him off.

“It's _amazing_! Jared is a little bastard, I've been trying to get him sent down for years!”

“This isn't right – Barry and I only have to act like fourth graders for a couple of weeks, this really isn't fair. I've gotta go talk to him.”

“Barry's already doing the same, so get in line.” Ross told Arin, before shaking his head. “Why did I make friends with a bunch of pussies?”

“Probably says something about yourself.” Arin told him with a grin, before ducking out of the room.

 


	4. Friends

 

Jared and Vernon did not share a room, to Arin's surprise – evidently the staff knew that they liked to tease people, or they had some kind of reputation if they were placed together, so they were apart. Instead, Jared was roomed with a huge senior called Jirard, who looked threatening (he had a freaking _beard_ , after all) but turned out to be as nice as pie. He was stood outside of his and Jared's room, reading a book on Dungeons and Dragons.

“You come to see Jared too?” he asked when Arin got close enough. Arin nodded. “He's in an awful mood, be careful. Last time he was like this he threw a glass piggybank at me and cut my arm.”

“Thanks, man.” Arin replied. “I'm Arin.”

“Jirard.”

They shook hands, before Arin turned to the door and knocked.

“Come in!”

Jared's voice was sharp, and the temptation to turn and leave without talking to him was almost too strong to overcome. Somehow, Arin managed to open the door and enter the room, entering as quickly as he could so that he didn't convince himself to run. Barry was sat on the floor, looking absolutely distraught (evidently he had an even stronger moral compass than Arin had thought), while Jared stretched out on the bottom bunk.

“You two are bastards.” Jared simply said, folding his arms behind his head. “I will not fucking stop until I get you back.”

“I came to say sorry. I didn't realise what'd happen, man.” Arin held out a hand towards Jared to shake, which the boy regarded for a moment as if considering it before shaking his head.

“Don't _ever_ make jokes about me being gay like you did earlier. I will kick your ass.”

“Okay dude – but it has to work both ways. You can't make fun of me and then get pissy when I retaliate.” Arin said, put off by the boy's anger. Barry, strengthened by Arin's presence, spoke.

“You can't punch people, either.”

“I've been here since I was six.” Jared told them, fury still contorting his face. “I've never had to see the principal before.”

“You sort of asked for it, dude – you don't punch people.” Arin replied, before holding a hand out to Barry to help him up. He'd said his piece, and Jared was evidently unwilling to accept it.

“You'd better watch your back.” Jared said as they went to leave the room. “You'll end up seeing the principal before this year's out, I swear to God, and worse if I can manage it.”

“Whatever you say, Jared.” Arin said with a sneer as he left the room. Barry followed him, anxiety clear on his face. That hadn't gone as well as anticipated.

* * *

 

“I don't understand how you've gotten on Jared's bad side – he used to be a really nice guy.” Mark said the next morning, as they sat to breakfast.

“He's not any more.” Ross bitterly replied. He was definitely the leader of the group, and probably always had been - his strong personality meant that it was impossible for him not to be. They all seemed incredibly close, despite the fact that they were not all in the same grade. “He hasn't been nice since before middle school. He's going to try and take us all down.” Ross's eyes narrowed as he glanced across the room at Jared. It was Saturday morning, his appointment with the principal would be soon – he was doing an excellent job at hiding any fear he felt.

“I don't think his roommate much likes him – Barry said so.” Jack said, playing with the spoon in his hands. “We could recruit him in all of this.”

“Good plan, Jack.” Ross said, grinning. “When will Jared not be in his room? He's gated, so he should be there most of the time.”

“He's in band with me.” Mark replied. “You can do whatever you want to do then. I'll hold him back a bit afterwards to stop him from getting back too quickly.”

“We can do that later.” Jack said, his face set. He wasn't usually mean spirited, but this'd just be a little prank to remind Jared not to mess with them. It wouldn't harm anyone. “I wonder how Arin and Barry have been getting on with the little kids?”

“Barry hates it – he comes to my room to do prep now too, because of his roommate, and he can't stand it. Things aren't going great for him.” Jack told them, taking a sip of his drink. “I wonder if Mr Wecht could be persuaded to end it early?”

“Not fucking likely.” Ross said with a snort. “He's a sadist.”

The others rolled their eyes and got on with their meals, used to Ross's hyperbole. Mr Wecht was usually pretty cool, it was just Ross's utter disdain for authority figures that didn't bend to his whim that made the boy dislike him.

* * *

 

“I don't see why you want to do something to Jared – it'll just rile him up more.” Arin said later, when Ross relayed the group's plans to him as he prepared to go out. Arin and Barry, as they were stuck inside, had decided to go to the school gym together.

“To show him that if he messes with us, he'll come out of it worst.”

“There's no need, though. We can just leave it.”

Ross slung his rucksack onto his back, shaking his head. “You don't know Jared like I do. A few years back, he decided he wanted to play video games with us. He came a few times, then the next time he tattled on us and we all got in huge trouble – he did that just for the fun of it. Now he has an actual grudge, he's dangerous – we need to stop him before he fucks us up.”

With that, Ross left the room, leaving the door open for Barry to enter. When he did, Arin had to laugh – he was dressed in embarrassingly tight lycra shorts and a baggy vest top, with a pink towel flung over one shoulder and a litre water bottle literally strapped to his side.

“Dude, what are you _wearing_?”

“My gym kit.” Barry nonchalantly replied. “I always wear it.”

“Okay man, whatever you say. Lead the way, Barry, I have no idea where this gym is.”

Arin was sure to firmly lock the door on the way out, unwilling to give Jared the smallest of opportunities to get through. Despite it being a sweltering hot day, the window was locked too. While he wasn't willing to do anything to Jared just to put him off, he was sure that Jared was planning something to hurt them, and he didn't want to give them the opportunity.

* * *

 

Unlike in porn, most people in the gym looked awful – sweat drenched, red-faced and gasping for air as they pushed themselves to their limits. Arin knew that he himself looked awful as he lifted weights, his arms screaming for respite as he held them up.

Somehow, Dan Avidan managed to look pretty.

Although his gym kit made him look slightly ridiculous – baggy shorts which served to emphasise his skinny legs, and a soccer shirt designed for someone a foot smaller and fifty pounds heavier – he managed to be stunning in every other way. Lips parted as he blew air in and out, he raked a hand back through his tangle of hair and let a groan escape him...

Arin spun around, forcing himself to look away from the boy. He was an asshole, a self-absorbed, moody asshole, and it would do no one any good to develop a crush on him.

Knowing that didn't make it any easier.

“You okay?” Barry asked as he took a break to drink some water and wipe himself down. Arin nodded, trying not to blush as he heard another moan come from Dan behind him. Christ Almighty. He hadn't jacked off since he started at Pleasant Valley, too afraid that Ross would hear him, so he was wound up pretty tightly anyway. Imagining Dan in his leather jacket on the bus was not helping.

“I need to use the bathroom.” Arin told Barry, blushing fiercely and thanking whatever deities were out there that he was red-faced enough that it wasn't really obvious. A minute later, he allowed the images of Dan to fill his mind again, hot shame creeping through his veins as he pictured the boy's skinny fingers.

* * *

 

“I think we should try and talk to Dan.” Arin said to Barry later as the two walked back to Arin and Ross's room to hang out. “He seems like he could do with a friend.”

“I've tried. He never responds. You're welcome to have a go, but I doubt it'll work.”

Arin shrugged. “He's just ahead – I'll go and ask if he wants to hang with us.”

It took Arin a just a couple of seconds to catch up with Dan and rest a hand on his shoulder, making the older boy jump violently. “Hey, Dan, do you-”

“Leave me alone.” Dan replied, eyeing Arin up and down with disdain.

“Do you wanna come and hang out with me and Barry?” Arin tried again, tightening his grip on Dan's shoulder so that the boy couldn't escape. Curiosity had overcome him, and all he wanted to know was what the fuck Dan's deal was.

“Dude, just because we're both Mr Wecht's little fuck up projects doesn't mean we're friends.”

“You don't seem to have any friends.” Arin replied, his tone caustic. “I thought you might appreciate the company.”

“I get enough of Kramer when we're sat in the dorm room, thanks.” Dan flashed a very fake smile towards Arin. “Now go and play with your toys, little boy.”

“I would have thought you'd feel like the little boy, being in class with people a whole year younger than you.” Arin spat back. Dan's mouth set in a hard line, and he roughly pushed Arin's hand off of his shoulder.

“You know _nothing_ about me, Hanson. You've got no fucking clue what real life is like.”

Unable to stop himself, Arin grabbed Dan by the shoulders and slammed him against a wall, ignoring the squeak of protest that must have originated from Barry.

“Oh yeah? I don't know what real life is like? Have you ever been forcefed on a psych ward? Not been allowed to see your parents and your brother because you haven't put on enough weight that week? Sure man, whatever you fucking say.”

Dan stared directly into Arin's eyes for a moment, before relaxing a little under his grip. “I'm sorry. I don't want to be here, and it's making me angry.”

As Dan spoke, Arin removed his hands from the older boy's shoulders, eliciting an audible sigh from Barry. “It's okay. You know, you'd probably be less angry if you made some friends. Come and hang out with Barry and I.”

Biting his lip, Dan shrugged. “Okay.”

* * *

 

When Ross entered the dorm room, the last thing he expected was to find Dan Avidan playing on a battered gameboy while Barry and Arin huddled around him, watching.

“Mr Wecht'd hand you your ass on a plate if he saw that.” Ross commented, making all three boys jump violently.

“It's Dan's.” Barry told him, grinning. “He's managed to keep it hidden during both dorm inspections.”

“You're not playing that in here.” Ross told Dan, his voice firm. “I'm not losing dorm points or getting my ass kicked by Mr Wecht – or Mr _Nolan_ , God for-fucking-bid - for your sake.”

One eyebrow raised, Dan smirked. “Calm down. Let me finish this level and I'll take it away.”

“No!” Ross was surprised to find his voice as forceful as it was. “Get out of here if you have contraband.”

As Dan stood up, tucking the gameboy into his gym bag, he turned to Arin and Barry. “Sorry for getting in your ass earlier, Arin – you're right, it was nice to hang out. I'll come again, as long as Captain Uptight isn't in.”

Before anyone could respond, Dan left the room, slamming the door behind him.

“Ross, are you okay?” Barry asked, looking disturbed at the events that had just unfolded. Dan had actually turned out to be pretty cool – he knew a lot about games, and his sense of humour was downright ridiculous. At first he'd been tightly wound and unwilling to share anything, but after a solid hour sat together he had relaxed and began to share a little of himself.

“Arin, why'd you let that dick in with contraband?”

Bemused by Ross's attitude, Arin found himself smiling. “Dude, you literally have vodka in your wardrobe, you can hardly criticise us for letting him in with a gameboy.”

“Did something happen with Holly?” Barry asked, stepping neatly between Arin and Ross so that Arin wouldn't end up in his second fight of the day. Ross shook his head, still looking enraged.

“It's my room, I don't think it's unreasonable to not want contraband in here.”

“Dude, it's not just your room – it's mine too.” Arin replied, completely at a loss to understand why Ross was so angry. “I can have friends here if I want.”

“Just because you want to fuck him.” Ross sneered, dropping his bag onto his bed. “You faggots go and play together.”

Arin was just about to take a swing for Ross when someone else did the job for him – Barry. As Ross crumpled, clutching his face, Barry began to rub his knuckles, an intense look of worry overtaking his face.

“Don't be a dick, Ross.” Barry said, glowering at his friend.

* * *

 

“I can't believe Mr Wecht sent him to the principal. He looked really fucking angry.”

Arin and Ross lay next to one another on one of the rolling fields in the grounds of the school, the sun warming them but the shade of a weeping willow protecting their eyes. It was coming up to prep, but neither really cared to go back to their room – no one actually checked on the high school kids as they did their prep, so it was usually safe to skip.

“Mr Wecht is an asshole.” Ross replied, his voice calm. “I'm lucky I'm not there with him.”

“You would totally deserve it. You were a complete wanker.”

“True.”

Silence fell between them for a few moments, before Arin spoke again. “Barry's amazing. I knew most of the kids at my old school from kindergarten, and none of them would have stuck up for me like that.”

“I feel really fucking bad.” Ross said.

“You should.”

For a little while longer, silence reigned, the two boys both feeling intense guilt as they thought about Barry. Eventually, Ross sat up, rubbing his sore cheek before speaking.

“Is Dan okay?”

“Once he loosened up a bit, he seemed nice.” Arin paused before speaking again. “Do you know why I'm here? And Dan?”

Ross nodded. “Of course I do. It's pretty fucking obvious. You're the new kids for that bullshit therapeutic boarding scheme.”

“It's working pretty fucking well so far, but that might just be because I've made some awesome friends.”

Ross smirked before leaping up, holding a hand out to help Arin up too. “You can be as fucked up as you like, just don't go killing yourself or anything stupid like that. I actually kinda like you, Arin.”

“Good. Just don't call me a faggot again, or Barry won't have chance to punch you because I'll already be kicking your ass.”

 

 


	5. Breaking Out

“Get up! Get up!”

Arin awoke to bright light and a hand violently shaking him. It was much like being born, except this time it wasn't a doctor yanking him out but Ross, a grin splitting his face.

“What are you doing?” Arin groaned, rolling over.

“Video games!”

Arin sat up sharply, glad for once that he had the top bunk and so he didn't hit his head on the slats of the other bed. In an instant, he scrambled down, dressed in the baggy boxers and T-shirt that he always wore at night. Except for the couple of hours watching Dan play on his gameboy over a week before, he hadn't had any contact with video games since he started at Pleasant Valley, and was aching to play. As he climbed out of bed, excitement began to bubble up in him and he couldn't help but smile, smile in a way he hadn't for a long, long time. Even on medication, it was hard to find happiness sometimes. He'd been sad for so long that whenever he got a stab of happiness it always shocked him, flowing up within him and spilling out. Happiness was a necessity, really, and since beginning his recovery Arin had treated it as such.

“Come on, we still need to get the others.”

“Who's coming?” Arin asked as he pushed slippers onto his feet.

“You, me, Barry, Dan, Mark, Jack, Jirard and a couple of other seniors, Rhett and Link. You need to put proper clothes on, man, we're leaving school grounds.”

As Arin put clothes on, he considered the fact that this was a monumentally stupid idea, but quickly discarded the thought. Happiness was a necessity, after all.

* * *

 

All of the boys were breathless and giggling as they ran down the paths of the school towards a back entrance where they'd escape to their gaming hub. Dan, Arin and Jirard were the only ones who had never been before, and so they especially were excited, clowning around as they made their way out and being hushed every thirty seconds by an anxious Barry. After being sent to the principal, he'd been a lot quieter, refusing every offer for mischief and behaving perfectly in and out of class. This gaming mission had been organised to try and pull him out of his shell again – Ross was insistent that it had worked the other times he'd had to see the principal (usually accompanied by Ross after some hare-brained scheme went wrong), and so they went.

“Where are we going?” Arin asked, his voice soft but his breathing hard and heavy.

“You'll see!” Ross replied, suddenly taking a sharp left along a fence. They ran a little further before exiting out of a gate that Arin didn't even know existed, their lungs burning but their skin cold from the sharp night air.

“Only another couple of minutes!” Rhett told Arin, a grin on his face. Sure enough, after a minute or two of running they came to a residential street. Parked right at the end of it was a white van, the front seat of which was filled with three girls. As the boys stopped to get their breath, the metallic taste that comes from too much exercise filling their lungs, one girl slipped out of the front of the van. She was quite short but slender, with long black hair and impeccable makeup.

“You're late!” she exclaimed, glowering at Ross.

“I had to wake up Arin, he's fucking lazy as shit.” Ross replied, still gasping for air.

“Get in the back of the van, loser.” she told him, playfully pushing his shoulder. Ross rolled his eyes and indicated at the boys to follow him around to the back of the van. It wasn't seated inside, but Ross reassured Dan, Arin and Jirard that it was a short journey.

“Who are these girls?” Dan asked, the grin on his face hidden by the darkness of the back of the fan.

“Holly's my girlfriend, Suzy and Kati are her friends. We've been doing this since we were nine, but we used to have to pay juniors and seniors to drive us in their cars, and there was never enough room. Holly and Kati can both drive now, so we're good.”

The van bumped into action, rattling down the roads noisily and jostling the boys to and fro.

“Who owns the van?” Arin asked, letting out a groan as he was thrown into Dan's lap by the van. Of all the people! A crush had began to bubble up within Arin, a crush directed at the skinny boy in the leather jacket. After Ross had reassured him that he didn't care if he jacked off (“Dude, I do it like, three times a night.”), Arin's mind had began to wonder more and more to Dan. It wasn't just in bed, though – as they'd began to unmask Dan and find out what kind of person he was, Arin had developed an awful soft spot for the boy. He had a silly sense of humour, peeling off into giggles at the slightest thing, sometimes even snorting and whimpering as he laughed because he was so amused. The only phrase that really captured how Arin felt was that he was sweet on Dan, because everything to do with the boy was tinged with a sweetness. Every time Dan told an anecdote about his family, Arin felt like he was swimming in liquid sunshine.

“Kati.”

“What?”

“Kati owns the van – dude, you spaced out there for a second, you okay?”

Arin nodded, feeling himself blush in the darkness. He couldn't wait for his next group therapy session.

* * *

 

Arin didn't know quite what he'd expected of their gaming spot. He certainly hadn't expected a beautiful, three floor house with cherry trees in the front garden and a vine of flowers twining around the pink door.

“Who owns this house?” Dan asked, sounding slightly awestruck. Suzy laughed and turned to him, and grin on her face.

“My grandma. She moved to Spain but she still stays here when she visits, so she pays me to look after the house.”

Dan turned to Arin, a grin on his face. “Shit gets wild at the girls school, eh? Probably more exciting showering there than at our ours.”

A blush crept hotly up Arin's face, but before he was forced to reply, Holly turned and sent a withering glare at him. “It's a Catholic school, dumbass – the nuns can barely cope with the fact we're allowed to wear our own clothes on the weekend.”

The smile didn't disappear from Dan's face – instead, he replied, “Oh, nuns with rulers? Very kinky.”

Holly rolled her eyes and unlocked the door, her hand slipping into Ross's as they entered the house. Dan turned back to Arin and winked.

“Naughty Catholic schoolgirls – I feel like we're in the middle of a porno, dude.”

“I'm gay, every day is a porno.” Arin said, laughing. “Waking up because Ross's jacking off is shaking the bed? Hot as _fuck_. Getting Jared fucking Knabenbauer's pubes on my feet in the shower? The greatest thing ever.”

A smile on his face, Dan pushed Arin's shoulder. “You're a loser, man. I'm glad you were rough on me that one day, school sucked without any friends.”

“It sucks with friends.” Arin said. “Mr Wecht gave my class thirty-five questions for prep the other day – so pointless.”

“Better than my last school.” Dan replied, before glancing around. As they spoke, everyone else had headed through to the lounge, and the sound of Sonic Adventures DX was already blasting out of it. “Do you wanna go outside? I can wait a little bit longer to game.”

* * *

 

Usually, when you know someone for less than a week, you know very little about them. The same was true for Arin and Dan – although they were in boarding school, a pressure cooker environment, they still didn't know all that much about one another. Sitting on the doorstep of an old woman's house, eating cherries stolen from her tree, lit up only by the starlight seemed the perfect place to find out more about one another.

“What happened to you, then? To fuck you up?” Arin asked, biting the flesh off of a cherry and dropping the pit onto the grass. Dan laughed.

“Nothing happened. I just got super sad, and super anxious, and my therapist recommended me for this program after I flunked a year of school. People at school thought I was some kind of pussy, they picked on me a lot, so I was up for it. You?”

“I got picked on for my weight.” Arin said, staring at the glossy, crimson skin of the cherries in his hands as he went over the two previous years in his mind. “So I stopped eating, and I got depressed, and I didn't want to go outside any more in case I saw them. I tried to kill myself a couple of times, ended up on the psych ward both time – the second time, I agreed to come here, because I never wanted to go to the fucking psych ward again.”

“Shit, dude.” Dan's voice was low. “How are you doing now?”

“I got put on new pills just before I came here, and they're working great, and having friends is making a difference.” Arin replied. “I have bad days, though. How are you?”

“My OCD is pretty bad – that's why I didn't want to talk to anyone. It was like, I thought if I made friends I'd make them get sick, so I didn't want to make any. I'm still worried, especially about you. I don't wanna fuck you up more.”

Normally, Arin would never have had the courage to do what he did next. In the darkness, talking so frankly about his mental health, he somehow found it. Discarding the last few cherries in his hand, he turned to Dan and pressed his lips gently against the older boy's, feeling the warm, chapped surface. There was a moment of blankness, no response, before Dan rested a hand gently on Arin's waist and began to kiss him back, their mouths both tasting like cherries. Tingles ran through Arin's whole body as he kissed the boy he barely knew, and yet knew so well – they were in a similar boat. They were both sick, they'd both been sent to the school to get better. As they kissed, the tears of both boys mingled on their lips and chins, a salty contrast to the sweet tartness of the cherries.

* * *

 

“I can't believe you didn't want to game, dudes!” Ross exclaimed as they arrived back at the school grounds, the sun just beginning to creep up into the sky. “It was awesome – if I have to find fucking Froggy for Big Cat again though, I'm gonna fucking cut someone.”

Dan laughed. “Next time, Ross.”

“Are you feeling any better, Barry?” Arin asked the youngest boy, flinging an arm around his shoulders. Barry grinned and wrapped one of his own arms around Arin.

“Yeah. If we get caught, though, I'm gonna start punching again.”

“I think Mr Wecht might actually implode if you punch someone again.” Mark commented, joining the hug. After a few moments, all of the boys were wrapped up in a tight hug, from lanky Rhett to tiny Ross, all full of love for one another as they sleepily made their way towards the school.

“This is super gay.” Ross said after a little while, making Dan and Arin eye one another through the crush of limbs. Ross had no idea what super gay even meant. Making out on Suzy's grandma's porch was super gay. A huge hug between friends new and old wasn't even mildly gay.

“Only gay if you get a boner.” Jack said, making everyone laugh. “I was wondering what was poking me!”

Ross reached out and punched Jack in the shoulder, making everyone laugh once again, and after a few moments the hug dissolved. All of the group felt warm with happiness, though, and as they snuck into their dorms they all allowed themselves to sink into the soft fuzz that comes from being totally content.

* * *

 

“Are you sure this'll work?” Vernon doubtfully asked, glancing between his fist and Jared's face. Jared nodded, clearly impatient, before gesturing to his nose.

“Punch me. Go on.”

“What if Mr Wecht doesn't believe us?”

Jared smirked. “He will. Kramer's already been sent to the principal for punching people, the evidence supports us. They're all still in their dorms – probably snuck out to their stupid gaming place last night – so we can say they attacked us and then ran. Go on! Punch me!”

Vernon took a couple of deep breaths before rearing backwards and punching Jared right in the nose. The effect was instantaneous – blood began to flow from his nose, the skin blossoming red where Vernon's fist had landed. Immediately, Jared reached out and slapped Vernon as hard as he could across the face, leaving a white handprint that faded to scarlet.

“Come on!”

The two boys raced through the corridors to Mr Wecht's office, thankful that no one saw them as they ran. Vernon felt guilty as he imagined how much trouble Ross, Arin and Barry would end up in, but Jared felt no remorse, merely excitement at the idea he would be getting revenge. Arriving at Mr Wecht's office, Jared pounded on the door as if frantic, making Mr Wecht jump. Their 'witnesses', Tom and Alan, were just two kids in their year who didn't much like Ross, and would be along in a few minutes.

“Come in!”

Jared and Vernon burst into the office, Jared holding his hand up to his bleeding nose and Vernon clutching his red cheek.

“Ross, Arin and Barry jumped us!” Jared exclaimed, tears welling up in his eyes easily – the punch had really hurt, and it didn't take much imagination to summon them up. Mr Wecht immediately rose from his chair, looking astonished.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his eyes darting between the two boys, concern clear on his face. Vernon nodded, not trusting himself to speak – the bizarre urge to laugh was filling him, threatening to spill out.

“We didn't even do anything, they just jumped us when we were going to breakfast.” Jared said, snivelling. Mr Wecht shook his head, looking completely shocked.

“Go and see matron, I'll go and see the boys.”

As Mr Wecht fled the room, practically running down the corridor, Jared turned to Vernon and offered a high five. Vernon didn't take it – a feeling awfully like guilt was beginning to drip through his veins.

 


	6. Truth-seeking

None of the boys bothered to hide their tears. Barry was sobbing openly, curled up on Ross's bed with him, his red face betraying just how long he'd been crying for. Ross was slightly more subtle, the tears silently falling down on his face as he nestled up to Barry, his face still pale but stained with teartracks and snot. Arin was on his top bunk, lying on his stomach and crying into his hands, his long hair damp with sweat and stuck to his neck.

Mr Wecht hadn't believed them.

When he'd come barrelling into their room, dragging a sleepy Barry behind him, none of them had any idea what was going on. Mr Wecht had been so apocalyptic with rage that it had taken a solid five minutes for them to figure out that he thought, for whatever reason, they'd beaten up Jared and Vernon.

“We've been asleep! What the fuck!?” Ross protested, utter confusion evident on his face.

“Language!” Mr Wecht had snapped back. “It's almost ten AM, you're all early risers, and you all have a history of fighting. I'd like to believe you, I really would, but you've been caught.”

Barry was already in tears at that point, but he knew he couldn't explain _why_ they were asleep so late – sneaking out of the grounds and meeting up with girls would get them in a lot more trouble than fighting, he'd learnt that one when Jared had tattled on them four years previously. “We didn't do anything, sir, please believe us.”

Mr Wecht turned to Barry, his face still contorted with rage. “You've been caught, Kramer, stop lying. I've already had witnesses come forwards.”

* * *

 

“What happened?”

News that Barry, Ross and Arin had been sent to the principal and put on final warning had spread like wildfire through the school, astonishing everyone. When Jared had turned up half an hour later with his nose plugged up with surgical cotton, and Vernon with a bruise flowering on one cheek, it had confirmed the story in the eyes of everyone. Within five minutes, Dan, Mark and Jack had turned up at Arin and Ross's room, slamming the door open in their haste.

“Jared and Vernon spread some bullshit story about us kicking their asses – probably punched one another – and got some kids to back them up.” Arin dully said, his eyes still glistening with tears. “Mr Wecht didn't believe us, so he sent us to the principal.”

Jack and Mark plopped onto the floor, both distressed to see their friends in such states, while Dan climbed up to the top bunk and rested a hand lightly on Arin's back, trying to comfort him in some small way.

“What happened then?” Mark asked. Ross snorted, derision clear in his tone.

“Mr Nolan chewed us out, put us on final warning, gated us for four weeks and paddled us. Sick old bastard probably enjoyed it.”

“Do you wanna come back to my room?” Dan murmured to Arin. When Arin nodded, Dan jumped down from the top bunk and helped Arin down after him. “We're gonna head back to mine and Barry's room. Arin needs a bit of space.”

Once they arrived, Arin flung himself down onto the bottom bunk, still sniffling a little. Dan lay down next to him and took his hand within his own, holding Arin's soft fingers with his own bony ones.

“Why are you so bummed out? You know you didn't do it, Big Cat, you've gotta pick yourself back up again.”

“I don't want to go home.” Arin replied, holding on tightly to Dan. “I can't go home.”

“They won't send you home – you've just gotta ride out the next few weeks and then it'll be back to normal.”

Arin laughed, a cold, flat laugh so unlike his usual giggle. “You think Jared'll stop there? He despises Ross anyway, he'll enjoy getting us kicked out.”

“Hey, Big Cat, calm down.” Dan snuggled a little closer to Arin, wrapping his free arm around the boy's shoulders and pushing his face a couple of inches closer to Arin's. “I'm gonna kick Jared's ass for you, don't you worry. Somehow, I haven't even gotten a detention here yet, so it'll be okay.”

“They'll think we did it.” Arin replied, tears thickening his voice. “They'll kick us out anyway.”

“I'll beat him up at breakfast.” Dan said, a smile on his face. “That way they'll know it was me. I'll make Mr Wecht's life as difficult as possible too.”

“Why are you doing this for me?” Arin turned so that he was facing Dan, only an inch or so of space between them. “You barely know me.”

“I like you.” Dan said simply, his warm breath tickling Arin's face. “You're my friend, and you're the only other monumentally fucked up kid in this place, so I want to look after you.”

“You're like, the best fucking person I've ever met.” Arin whispered. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

“Why, Mr Hanson, are you seducing me?” Dan asked, before giggling. “Of course I will. Let me make it better for you.”

* * *

 

_Dear mom and dad,_

 

_You probably got a letter from the principal saying I beat up some kids called Jared and Vernon. I'm emailing this because I want to get everything out, and if I phone I'll probably cry or something lame like that. I didn't do it. These kids really don't like my friend Ross, and they caused a bit of trouble for me, Ross and Barry before. I guess they decided to get 'revenge' because last time Jared messed with us he got in more trouble than we did, and so they managed to convince Mr Wecht that we'd jumped them. We really, really didn't do it, I promise you. You know I don't lie._

 

_The thought of having to leave Pleasant Valley really bums me out. I know I've only been here a few weeks, but it's working. I'm eating and not feeling guilty. I have friends that I actually want to hang out with. I'm doing well in class for the first time in like, three years. People like me here, and I have a boyfriend. His name is Dan, he's a year older than me, and he's really nerdy. You'd like him – he's into video games too, he's the sweetest guy I've ever met._

 

_I'm really happy here. I promise you I didn't do it – please don't let them send me away._

_  
Love,_

 

_Arin xxx_

* * *

 

At dinner that night, Jared and Vernon seemed to have adopted some kind of martyr attitude. They sat with a whole crew of freshmen and told them over and over their ridiculous story of being jumped, making sure to send as many triumphant glances at Barry, Ross and Arin as they could.

“Is it against Judaism to murder someone?” Dan asked as they ate, grinding his teeth together. Barry managed a laugh.

“I'm pretty sure it is.”

“I'm not normally violent – I mean, I fucking _cried_ when my dad stepped on a fruit fly when I was a kid, I am one hundred percent certified pussy – but holy shit, I want to kick their asses to the fucking moon and back.”

“Only the moon?” Ross asked. “I'll take them to whatever planet is furthest away from Earth – I don't have a fucking clue which planet that is, but I'm sure as fuck it isn't nice to live on.”

Everyone at the table got a laugh out of that – enough hours had passed that everyone had calmed down, and in the place of the anxiety and outrage of the false accusation and punishment sat a white-hot glut of rage at Jared, Vernon, Mr Wecht and Mr Nolan. Jack, Mark and Dan all felt intense sympathy for their friends, and didn't really know what to do except be there for them.

“You're like, a gigantic Jew flower.” Jack told Dan, eliciting another laugh out of everyone. “I don't know how you managed to pretend to be a dick for so long when you first got here.”

For a moment, Dan's eyes flickered to Arin, and the latter knew exactly why. It hadn't been pretence, it had been a defence mechanism. Instead of saying that, however, he simply said,

“I'm gonna kick Jared's ass tomorrow at breakfast, so everyone sees it's me. Then I'll be a Jew thorn instead of a Jew flower, Jack.”

“Then afterwards, I'll go for him with a cricket bat.” Ross replied, his voice deadpan. “I'll be a fucking kangaroo, or whatever Australian bullshit you want to say.”

As laughter began to flow through the group again, Arin knew that no matter what happened he had found friends for life.

* * *

 

_Dear Arin,_

 

_It's Suzy, from the gaming night? I heard what happened at school and I just wanted to say that me, Kati and Holly are all really sorry. Teachers suck sometimes, so do teenagers. If you ever want to talk, my email's on the back of the envelope._

 

_Love,_

 

_Suzy xxx_

* * *

 

Dan had never fought anyone in his life – it simply wasn't in his nature. Before the mental illness overtook him, he'd already been a very sensitive child. Now he was even more so, every slight dig boring into him like a knife. Before he met Arin and the rest of his new group of friends, the idea of him fighting someone was laughable.

Now, here he was, getting a lesson in how to beat someone up from someone two years his junior but endlessly more experienced with fighting: Ross.

“You see the big muscly part of your hand, at the bottom? Hit him with that. It'll hurt like a bastard but unless you go for his nose, you probably won't break anything.”

Dan nodded, glancing at his hand. “Jared's a skinny guy, what if I do break something?”

“Fall on the floor and pretend to have a seizure.” Ross advised, not a hint of humour in his voice. “Say it's a side effect of one of the crazy meds you're on.”

“You're an insensitive dick, Ross.”

“Thank you.” Ross smiled. “If you can pull his hair, do it – it hurts like crazy but it won't do much damage to him. You wanna fuck him up as badly as possible without actually damaging him in the long-term.”

“I heard that you can shatter your wrist or something punching someone, how do I do it?”

“Keep your thumb on the outside, or it'll break. Otherwise, just swing – it'll be okay. He's a bony bastard, but he's not gonna shatter your wrist.” As Dan gave the air a few experimental jabs, Ross spoke again. “So, are you and Arin fucking?”

Dan's eyes widened. “No! Why?”

“You're very clearly totally gay for one another – you were practically fucking on the step of Suzy's grandma's house, which is a little bit sick.”

“We weren't- god _dammit_ Ross, we were just kissing! You nosey dick!”

A smirk appeared on Ross's face. “So you're dating, then?”

“Yeah. Jeez, Ross, there's a big difference between dating and fucking.”

“Just having some fun. You ready to take on Knobbenbauer?”

“Fuck yeah!” Dan replied, a grin splitting his face at Ross's stupid attempt at wordplay. “How much trouble am I gonna be in?”

“Unprovoked attack? Probably a trip to the principal, man. Unless Mr Wecht goes soft on you – I don't think he much likes Mr Nolan's methods, so it wouldn't surprise me.”

* * *

 

Fights at Pleasant Valley weren't uncommon, though most occurred amongst the kindergarten and elementary school pupils. Usually, they occurred without any teachers finding out, in a dark dormitory in the middle of the night or during a moment free of supervision. It was only when injuries ensued that pupils would tell anyone, for the ethos of not tattling ran strongly through the morals of Pleasant Valley pupils.

The fight between Jared and Dan, however, was the first one that intentionally took place in full view of many teachers and the entire high school body.

No one who wasn't pre-aware of the fight could have predicted it – Dan had planned it so smoothly that he'd have at least a few seconds to pound the mush out of Jared before someone dragged him off of him. He simply walked up behind Jared, tapped him on the shoulder and then, as soon as he turned around, punched him as hard as he could in his already bruised nose. Immediately, he began to pummel Jared's chest with blows, concentrating all the anger he felt on behalf of his friends into the hits. Jared swung out an arm, trying to defend himself, but Dan simply swatted it away and continued punching. Ross's lessons had served him well, and by the time someone yanked him by the waist and dragged him off of Jared, the boy was crying.

Served him right.

As Dan was dragged from the room, he glanced towards his friends, and saw that they were all grinning at him.

In that moment, the world felt more beautiful.

* * *

 

“Either I misjudged you all quite spectacularly, or Jared has done something to you that I don't know about. Tell me.”

Mr Wecht's office was rather more crowded than usual – Ross, Barry, Dan and Arin sat on one side, while he stood on the other, pacing back and forth.

“What's the point in telling you?” Ross asked, sneering. “You didn't believe us last time, why would you believe us now?”

“You mean when you beat Jared and Vernon up? Come _on_ , I know that you guys are guilty of that one.”

“With all due respect, fuck you Mr Wecht.” Dan said suddenly, his voice hard and flat. “They didn't touch the bastards.”

One of Mr Wecht's eyebrows shot up, but he didn't say anything about Dan's salty language. “Why is there tension between you all, Vernon and Jared?”

The boys looked between one another, and silently it was decided that Ross should answer. “Jared's been a dickhead since kindergarten – remember when he tattled on me in fifth grade, just for the fun of it? Then he started messing with Arin, and when he ended up in more trouble than Arin and Barry he decided to 'get revenge'. Vernon's a pussy, he just hangs out with him.”

“So you decided to send Dan after him purely because of a childish squabble?”

“They didn't 'send me after him'.” Dan replied, a disgusted expression overtaking his face. “I went after him because he did shitty things to my friends, and he deserved shitty things back.”

As Dan spoke, Arin turned to watch him. The boy he'd only met a few weeks before, the fucked-up boy with severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts, who had given him kisses that tasted of cherries and tears.

With a glance, Arin fell into the abyss of love.

His whole body felt warm as he watched Dan – he was in love. He loved Dan. Arin Hanson was in love with Leigh Daniel Avidan. He was in love with someone else who was crazy, someone else sent to the school for exactly the same purpose. He was in love with a 'Jew flower', a kid so sensitive he cried when a fly died but so loyal that he was willing to beat a kid up for his friends.

There were worse people to fall in love with.

“I really don't know what to think any more.” Mr Wecht said, sitting down at the desk and facing the four teenagers. “You all feel things so much more strongly than I do.”

“Mr Wecht, I want to be here more than anywhere else. Why would I lie to you?” Arin spoke truthfully – he missed his family, but he felt saner than he had in years in this crazy, mixed up school, even with Jared after him. Mr Wecht stared at him for a moment, pressing his fingertips to his lips, before speaking.

“I'm going to look further into this. I'm not happy with how everything has happened. You're dismissed.” As the four went to leave again, he spoke once more. “And don't think I don't know about your rendezvous with the girls from the private school – we used the same exit when I was a teenager.”

* * *

 

“I think seeing Mr Nolan has gotten rid of any sexy teacher fantasies I had left.” Dan said later that day. He and Arin were sat together in the library, studying Math together – Dan was better than Arin at math, and so he was taking him through a few rudimentary principles. “Or any fantasies of naughty Catholic schoolgirls.”

“You're the worst.” Arin told him, grinning. “No one could ever fantasise about Nolan anyway, he's about a thousand years old.”

“And he has such gross nose hairs! They're like bushes growing out of his face!”

Both boys snickered quietly, too aware of the presence of the librarian to laugh much louder. Arin's earlier thoughts regarding Dan began to mull through his mind again, and after a few moments of silence he blurted out, “Do you want to go on a date with me?”

“Did you get a head injury, dude? We're both grounded – gated, I forgot the bullshit private school terminology – forever. We can't exactly go into town without getting kicked out.”

“I meant around the school.” Arin said, grinning. “The campus is huge, we could buy a picnic from the shop and hang out in the apple orchard for a few hours.”

The smile that blessed Dan's face at that was true and genuine. “I'd love to, man. Don't tell Ross, though, he'd have a fucking field day.”

 


	7. Absolution

As Arin began to prepare for his date, regret at leaving most of his clothes at home began to bubble up within him. Sure, it didn't really matter what he wore – Dan had seen him in his pyjamas, in the weird, Victorian school uniform, in baggy sweats and a stained T-shirt. That was the disadvantage of boarding school – people saw the worst of you, as well as the best. For their first date – Arin's first date ever – he wanted to wear something nice, though, so he sifted through his clothes trying to find something.

“Going somewhere special?” Ross asked, before adding rather bitterly, “Of course not. We're gated.”

“I'm just hanging out, dude. Why?”

“You normally dress like some old man who craps himself, today you've been looking at your clothes for almost ten minutes. It's almost like you're going on a _date_.”

Arin sighed, dropping the clothes that he was holding. “Who told you?”

“Dan told Mark, Mark told Jack, Jack told Jon – he's another freshman, pretty nice, Jon told Barry, Barry told Jirard, Jirard told Rhett, Rhett told Link, Link told me.” Ross recited. “Seems like everyone knows.”

“You're a piece of shit, Ross.” Arin told his friend, picking up a pair of jeans and tossing them onto his bunk. They were clean and they fit him, so they'd do. Ross laughed, a familiar shit-eating grin on his face.

“Make sure to use protection.” Ross said, his tone smug. “Wouldn't want any babies now, would we?”

As Arin reached out to smack Ross over the head, the younger boy dodged out of the room, still smiling widely.

* * *

 

Before he got sick, Dan had been known as somewhat of a stud at his old school. He always had some new girl (or, occasionally, boy) on his arm, staring at him with adoring eyes and drinking in every word he said. He was a master of flirtation, reducing his target to a quivering wreck with a few well-timed words.

That was until he met Arin Hanson.

Knowing that the boy was just as fucked up as him made Dan warier than usual, avoiding the boy outside of the first few group therapy sessions. Sure, he was avoiding everyone at that point, but he made it a special point to avoid Arin. The shower incident had been the worst – walking into the bathroom singing, sure he was alone, and then a shower flipping on. That in and of itself would have been fine if he hadn't listened out and realised that Arin was one of the occupants of the showers.

If Arin hadn't been ridiculously cute, it would have been fine – but holy shit, he was unbearably adorable. He had tiny tics that Dan doubted even Arin was aware of – when he spoke, he pushed his thumbs into the arms of his blazer, and when he laughed he'd sometimes stick the edge of his tongue out, like a cat. Dan wasn't sure what it was, but something about Arin was totally unique, and it made Dan long to just sit and talk to him for hours upon hours.

“Glad you made it.” Dan said with a grin, tapping his watch. “It's not like we said 10 AM and it's already twenty past or anything.”

Arin rolled his eyes and gave Dan's shoulder a push. “I couldn't decide what to wear – you didn't have that problem, you look like a fucking hobo.”

This was true. Dan was dressed in baggy sweatpants and a baggy shirt, very casual clothing that somehow looked beautiful on him.

“Let's go then.” Dan said. “I hope you picked out somewhere nice, because the campus is fucking huge and we're gonna get lost if you haven't.”

As they ambled out of the main school doors, vaguely aware of the receptionist staring after them, Dan slipped his hand into Arin's.

* * *

 

“Have you ever smoked weed?” Dan asked as they wandered past a pond neither had ever seen before, hands still held closely together. Arin laughed.

“No, man. I figure you have, you had that stupid cigarette behind your ear the first time we saw Mr Wecht together.”

Dan tightened his grip a little on Arin's hand, aware that the other boy was sweating profusely and feeling rather comforted by the fact – evidently, he wasn't the only nervous one. “Yeah. When I got sick I started smoking – it makes everything fuzzier, you know? Everything's just kinda silly. It made me feel a little better at first, but then my parents found out and I just felt like some gross stoner layabout.”

“When'd you stop, then?” Arin asked, curious. “I mean, we've only been here for a few weeks, and you were still smoking when you started here.”

“When my stash ran out and I realised I didn't have the balls to find out who the sellers-” Dan cut himself off and gestured wildly at the distance with his free hands. “Look! There's a fucking horse!”

Arin glanced up, and laughed – there was indeed a horse, a solid brown specimen who was lazily munching at the grass. “Holy fuck! Does the school have a stable or something?”

“Don't think so – _shit_ , dude, what if it's escaped from somewhere?”

“My mom runs a stable, it doesn't look like a horse that's kept.” Arin said, squinting to get a better look at it. “It hasn't been groomed like, ever, by the look of it.”

Arin couldn't keep the smile off of his face when he saw Dan's eyes light up. “A wild horse? Here? That's so cool! Can we go up to it?”

“Sure dude. If it's this close to the school it's probably used to people. It might let us stroke it.”

At that, Dan literally jumped into the air, before beginning to run towards the horse, dragging Arin behind him. Arin had to drag his heels to make Dan stop.

“Woah, dude! Don't run up, you'll scare the shit out of it. We need to walk.”

“Oh, shit.” Dan whispered, still staring towards the horse, which was now watching them with interest. “Will it really let me pet it?”

When Arin nodded, Dan began to creep towards the horse at a snail's pace, occasionally glancing back at Arin and giving him a broad grin.

“Have you never seen a horse before?” Arin asked, the smile on his face splitting even wider when Dan hushed him, gesturing towards the horse.

“Not a wild one! Come on!”

Despite their caution, once they were about ten feet away from the horse it reared up and galloped away, making Dan's shoulders slump.

“Aw, is Danny sad he didn't get to pet the horsey?” Arin teased, grinning at Dan. Dan immediately played along, pulling his face into a ridiculous pout.

“I is very sad!” he replied.

“Would making out make it better?”

Dan's face lit up. “Such a romantic, Mr Hanson.”

“Only for you, Mr Avidan.”

* * *

 

“Jirard, can I talk to you for a moment?”

Jirard turned to see Mr Wecht standing half-in half-out of his office, a look of concern on his face. “Yes, sir.”

As he entered the office, Jirard ran through a list of possible reasons he could be in trouble in his head. Other than the trip out to play video games, he couldn't think of anything except for minor rule infractions that almost all teachers entirely overlooked.

“You share a room with Jared Knabenbauer, right?”

“Yeah.”

“What's he like as a person?”

Jirard shrugged. “He's fine as a roommate, he's kinda spiteful if you get on his bad side.”

Mr Wecht nodded, apparently absorbing the information. Doubt was beginning to trickle through him – he'd thought the evidence against Arin, Barry and Ross had been airtight when he sent them to the principal, but the testimonies he'd heard against Jared were making him doubt himself. Along with the doubt came guilt, guilt that he'd torn them apart verbally and then sent them to the principal to be punished brutally and barbarically.

Fucking hell.

“What do you mean by spiteful?”

“He gets offended over the tiniest things – he obsesses over them, he's always talking about 'revenge'. He's crazy.”

Jirard had no reason to lie to him. No reason whatsoever.

Shitting, fucking, bastard shitballs. They'd been innocent.

“Thank you, Jirard. You can go.”

* * *

 

Arin and Dan were about as far as possible from the school as possible when the first thunderclap sounded – over a mile away, right at the edge of the grounds where they had discovered what appeared to be some old war shelter and so had, of course, climbed on top of it.

“Ah, shit man – it's gonna rain. We'd better run.” Arin groaned, scrambling to drop down off of the building. Dan followed suit, his long legs serving him well as he kicked himself down. Just as the first raindrops began to fall, however, he grabbed Arin by the shoulder.

“Let's go in the shelter, man.”

Dismissively, Arin replied, “It'll be full of drug stuff, man, I don't wanna get caught there.”

“ _Dude_.” Dan drawled. “Where's your sense of adventure? Come on, we'll get soaked even if we run back, let's go in!”

Against his better judgement, Arin agreed and followed Dan through the half-broken door into the shelter. It was squat, only five foot or so in height, but very wide. It had probably been impressive once – it had thick concrete walls surrounded by iron sheets. However, time and abuse from curious teenagers had reduced it to a wreck. The roof was still serviceable, though, and a huge hole in the door served as a window to allow light into what would otherwise have been a pitch-black shelter. Inside, it was unsurprisingly barren – the walls were lined with shelves, but otherwise there was nothing there except for a pile of wooden palettes and some sacking in one corner. Dan flung himself down onto the sacking, leaning against the wall.

“See! It's cool in here!” he insisted.

“Whatever you say.” Arin said, rolling his eyes as he sat beside Dan. “It just seems like a shitty shelter with sacks infested with fuck-knows what in it, but if you think it's cool that's your business.”

Just as Arin finished speaking, Dan reached out and grabbed him by the waist, dragging him so that he was leant right against him. Then, he began to tickle mercilessly, the soft flesh of Arin's tummy turning into goosebumps as Dan's fingers stroked over it.

“Oh my God, stop!” Arin exclaimed, squirming away from Dan. Quick as a flash, Dan locked Arin in with one lanky leg, pressing him against him while still tickling him.

“Admit it's cool!” Dan's tone was humorously severe, his fingers beginning to scrabble up to Arin's armpits. Who knew Arin Hanson was ticklish?

“No!”

“Your loss, my friend.” Dan deadpanned, one hand tickling Arin's right armpit and the other still his right side. Arin's response was to writhe underneath Dan, trying to escape his clutch to no avail.

“Fuck you!” Arin giggled, suddenly rearing forwards and then slamming down onto Dan's crotch.

“Ow! Foulplay!” a groan escaped Dan and his grip on Arin loosened, allowing the younger boy to wriggle out of his grip and straddle him. Roles reversed, Dan fluttered his eyelashes at Arin, a coquettish smile on his face.

“Going to have your wicked way with me?”

Arin shook his head, his face split into a wide grin. Instead, he reached down and began to tickle Dan back. If anyone had been wandering the sodden grounds that afternoon, they'd have heard the sound of two boys giggling echoing through them.

In that moment, both boys were far removed from their mental illnesses, and from the horrors that had resulted from those sicknesses. For once, they were just two teenage boys, having a blast together and forgetting all the bad things.

* * *

 

Since Arin and later Dan had joined their circle of friends, Ross and Barry had had little time to hang out just the two of them. Even in previous years, with Mark and Jack, they had always preferred to be alone together, just the two of them – which was fortunate, as the two hair-dyed boys also preferred to hang out by themselves.

Thus, they were rather frustrated when none other than Vernon Shaw approached them as they sat at one of the computers in the library, attempting to find a games website that the school's filters hadn't blocked.

“Um, hi.” Vernon said, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. “I need to talk to you.”

“Piss off.” Ross replied, a sneer on his face. “We're busy – we're doing something productive, not picking on other people.”

“It's important.” Vernon insisted, before sighing. “It's about Jared.”

“What is it?” Barry asked, always the more willing of the friendship – besides, if Jared was planning anything else, he wanted to know. He wasn't going to take another trip to the principal's office, _thank_ you very much.

“He's still planning on fucking with you, and I don't like it. He really hates y'all.”

“Didn't Dan teach him a lesson?” Ross asked, a grin appearing on his face as he remembered the look of utter astonishment on Jared's face when Dan attacked him. Vernon bit his lip, anxiety clear on his face.

“He wants you all kicked out. I don't...he's not even my friend any more, he just uses me to mess with you guys. It's not fair.”

“No fucking shit it's not fair, shitlord.” Ross snorted. “We're stuck here for-fucking- _ever_ , we got hit with a fucking paddle – we don't have any of that shit in Australia – and Mr Wecht was so fucking self-satisfied that we were in trouble.”

“I want to make things better.” the look on Vernon's face betrayed the sheer nerves he was experiencing, along with the fact he was shifting from foot to foot, hands clenched together as if in prayer in front of him. The tiniest hint of pity began to crawl through Barry – really, Vernon wasn't so bad. He had a silly sense of humour and when they were younger, he'd actually been quite nice. Then he'd been sucked in by Jared and the kernel of nastiness within him had popped and overtaken his whole personality.

“Go tell Mr Wecht that we didn't beat you and Jared up, then.” Ross firmly replied, crossing his arms across his chest. Vernon's eyes shot open, a look of horror overtaking his face.

“I can't do that! I'll get thrown out!”

“You don't get to satisfy your weird urge for forgiveness, then.” Ross's voice was flat, making Barry's sense of pity even stronger. Before Vernon could turn away, Barry spoke.

“You wouldn't get kicked out – Jared probably would be, for severe bullying or whatever this whole thing would come under. You'd probably end up with what we've had times two or something. Mr Nolan doesn't like being duped.”

As Vernon pressed his lips together and stalked away, Ross punched Barry in the shoulder, making him jump.

“Don't _comfort_ the bastard!”

 


	8. Thanksgiving

“A lot of kids stay here over the Thanksgiving weekend, mate.” Ross told Arin a few weeks later. After Vernon's confession of guilt, nothing much had happened – it seemed he was too chicken to confess to what he'd done. It also seemed that Jared was biding his time before doing anything else to them, waiting for the perfect moment to fuck them up. Thanksgiving was looming, and Arin's depression had been slowly rolling over him like a stormcloud, made worse by the fact that he had been skipping his sessions with Mr Wecht as often as he could.

He missed his family. He wanted to go home, at least for a little while.

“Ross, most of the kids staying here are the ones from fucking Swaziland and Korea and fuck-knows where else. I'm probably the only American kid stuck here.”

Ross's eyes rolled so violently they practically popped into the back of his head. “Stop being so self-pitying. They do a great Thanksgiving meal, and we can get away with almost anything because almost all the staff have gone to visit family too.”

“I want to see my family.” Arin replied, aware that he sounded like a whining child but not particularly caring.

“You're a wanker.” Ross said suddenly, glaring at Arin. “I see my family once a fucking year, for the summer. I spend Christmas with Mr Nolan and his family, for fucks sake.”

“I thought you were gonna spend it with Holly?” Arin shot back, sighing and scribbling a random number on his Math homework.

“This year I am, yeah. Every other year I've been hanging out with the Nolan family and a weirdo kid from France who makes me call him Rocket!”

Arin could suppress his laughter at the expression of pure outrage on Ross's face. “Rocket?”

“His real name's Tom!” Ross practically shouted back, a smile beginning to appear on his own face. Soon, the two were giggling helplessly together, clutching at one another as the random giggles that so often hit adolescents overcame them. Missing their families was forgotten for a little while as they allowed themselves to get light-headed from silly laughter.

* * *

 

“What're the plans for Thanksgiving this year?” Jack asked later that evening. All those who were leaving had gone (Dan had been so excited to see his family he had literally thrown up - “Jew stomach.” he'd ruefully explained to Arin), and so Pleasant Valley was considerably quieter than usual. The common room, an area usually ignored by all pupils, was being taken up by Jack, Arin and Ross, all enjoying the extra space and sense of freedom to wander that came with the school being mostly empty.

“I went out a few nights ago and met with Kati – she hooked me up with some more vodka.” Ross replied, a grin on his face. “We're gonna get shitfaced.”

“ _Dude_.” Arin replied, eyes wide. “We're on absolute final warning, or whatever the fuck Nolan said, we're gonna get kicked out if they catch us.”

Ross rolled his eyes, sneering a little. “All the staff are focused on looking after the little brats who are stuck here, they don't bother with us. Last year I fucking camped out in the orchard for the whole Thanksgiving holiday and no one noticed I was gone – they're not gonna notice if we're drunk.”

“Awesome!” Jack said, running a hand through his (now faded) hair. “I've never been drunk before.”

“Had my first drink last year.” Ross bragged. “Drinking age in Australia is eighteen, it's much easier to get pissed underage over there.”

As Ross began to talk about his seemingly many exploits with alcohol, Arin settled back into himself, his mind wandering. He'd done that a lot lately, started thinking about things he thought he'd dealt with years before. Everyone seemed to be more annoying lately, too – whenever Ross laughed his stupid, cawing laugh, Arin wanted to slap him.

It was the depression coming back, crawling over his mind, infecting him again, and there was no way in hell he was speaking to Mr Wecht. At first he'd seemed cool, but now Arin couldn't find it in himself to forgive him for not believing them over Jared. Since he'd arrived at Pleasant Valley he'd softened again, lost the callouses that mental illness had given to him. Now, they were growing back again. It was crazy how fast depression could wash back over him – two days before, he'd lain in bed with Dan and they'd whispered about their futures while Barry snored in the other bunk. He'd felt full of hope. Now, he was dull and sad again. In three days, he could well be running for President – it all changed so fast, he never knew what was coming.

“You in, Arin?”

Arin blinked, glancing between the excited face of Jack and the smug one of Ross. “For what?”

“Drunk gaming mission – Suzy's family are away so her and her sister Jean are stuck at her school. Suzy'll be up for it.”

“She can't drive.”

“We can walk.”

“Sure.” Arin replied, swallowing his anxiety and sadness. “It'll be fun.”

* * *

 

When Dan had pressed his phone number into Arin's palm, written on a grubby scrap of notepaper that looked like it had been dropped in a muddy puddle, or chewed up by a goat, or possibly both, Arin had never thought he'd ring it – at least not at school. There was no need. He'd see Dan in just a few days.

Yet there he was, cradling the phone close to his ear as he waited to be connected to the other end.

“Ehhh, hello?”

“Hello? Mr Avidan? Could you hand me over to Dan, please?”

There was a moment of silence, before a loud, “Ehhhh...hey, Dan!”

Arin had heard Dan's impressions of his father a thousand times. He hadn't expected them to be so perfectly accurate – the ghost of a smile lit up his face as he heard muffled talking through the phone.

“Arin?”

“Yeah.”

A moment of silence fell, making Arin feel painfully awkward. Hearing Dan's voice was good, so good.

“How are you?” Dan eventually asked, his voice betraying confusion at being called so quickly after the start of the vacation.

“Not great. Kinda bummed out, actually.” Arin said, shifting from foot to foot. “You?”

“I'm super pumped to see my family. I missed them so much, I didn't even realise until I saw my dad and I started crying like a pussy.”

Both boys laughed, before an uncomfortable silence descended once more. Arin swallowed before speaking once more, his voice a little fainter. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, man. Hey, I'll be back in a week! We can shoot dirty looks at Jared again soon, Big Cat, I promise.”

“I'm sorry.” Arin whispered, his voice cracking. To his horror, tears welled up in his eyes. “I'm feeling really fucking shitty, I shouldn't be putting it on you.”

“Arin, Arin – hey! Stop a second. I'm gonna call you back in like, two hours, and I promise I'll make things better.” Confusion filled Arin, but before he could say anything else, Dan spoke quickly down the phone. “I love you, man.”

“I love-” The phone disconnected from Dan's end before he could tell Dan that he loved him too, making Arin feel even more melancholy. The happiness that he should have felt from Dan's words didn't prove forthcoming.

* * *

 

His dreams were always vivid – nightmares, too. That night, he was in a Metal Gear-esque setting, being chased by some weird zombie creatures with huge fangs, and bald heads remarkably reminiscent of Mr Nolan's. A gun appeared in his hands, and relief flooded through him, but as he pressed the trigger, a teddy bear exploded out of the end. The zombies were closing in, their filthy breath on his neck, their voices calling him...

“ _Arin!_ ”

Arin almost fell out of his bed for the second time since the beginning of semester when he awoke and saw Dan's face two inches from his own. The boy hadn't called back as he'd promised, leaving Arin feeling even sadder and more wrong-footed.

“What the _fuck_?” Arin asked, scrambling into a sitting positon, smacking his head on the ceiling for good measure as he went.

“Arin Hanson rescue mission.” Dan told him, grinning. “I got a call from Ross like, ten minutes before you saying that you were sad. Debbie and Avi let me come and get you – they've arranged with Mr Wecht that you can come spend Thanksgiving with us.”

“Dude...I don't wanna invade...I-”

“Shut up, Arin.” Dan said, voice firm. “Get into some actual clothes, pack your shit and meet me outside. My dad's waiting.”

“Why are you being so nice?” Arin asked, a warm glow spreading through him like liquid sunshine. Dan rolled his eyes violently, before giving Arin's shoulder a push.

“You're my boyfriend, dumbass. Get up!”

“Get up and get out!” Ross moaned from the bottom bunk. “Stop making so much fucking noise!”

“You heard the man!” Dan said, grinning widely. “Come on! My mom makes the best Thanksgiving dinner.”

* * *

 

If Avi hadn't known Dan and Arin were dating before, he certainly knew it now – the two of them snuggled together in the back seat, Arin's head resting on Dan's shoulder and one of Arin's arms wrapped tightly around Dan. The Avidan family lived less than an hour from the school, and had apparently heard enough about Arin to be delighted by the prospect of him staying with them for Thanksgiving.

“Seriously, Mr Avidan, thank you _so_ much-”

Dan punched Arin in the shoulder as he attempted to thank his father for the eleventh time in twenty minutes. “Dude, you've said thank you already – shut up.”

Avi, quite rightly, kept quiet and let the young lovebirds settle into a conversation, a smile on his face. It was good to see his son so happy again – watching the light slowly leave his eyes and be replaced by something dull had been excruciating to watch.

“I feel guilty.” Arin replied, nuzzling a little closer to Dan and watching the streetlights flash past them as they drove. “I'm invading your Thanksgiving.”

“Dude, I am literally gonna break your legs if you say something like that again.” Dan said, rolling his eyes. “We want you there. _I_ want you there.”

“You can come to mine next year, maybe.” Arin found himself saying, despite the monetary improbability of that happening. “Hang out with my mom's horses.”

Dan laughed. “Did I tell you about that, Avi? We saw a wild horse!”

As Dan began to tell his father the whole tale, Arin simply leant back and smiled. He was with Dan. Everything was okay, at least for a little while.

 


	9. Shattered Memories

“Hello, Mrs Shaw, is Vernon in?”

“Yes, I'll pass you over.”

Jared had waited until his home was empty before phoning his accomplice, unwilling for his family to hear his plans. He'd already been chewed out for being sent to the principal at the start of the semester, he didn't want to think of their reaction if they heard him plotting revenge on Dan, Arin, Ross and the rest of their stupid crew.

“Hello?”

“Hey Vernon. How're you doing?”

On the other end, Vernon rolled his eyes violently. Despite his best efforts, Jared still hadn't realised that he no longer wanted to hang out with him, and had been clinging to him even tighter than usual. Sick guilt was still bubbling within him at his role in the misfortunes which had affected Ross's group – at first, it'd just been fun, but it had quickly devolved into something worse, something sick.

“Good. You?”

“Yeah, fine. Listen, I have a plan for-”

“Stop.” Vernon surprised himself with how forceful his voice was. “Jared, I can't do this any more. It's awful – you've turned into a fucking creep, a bully.”

Jared was silent for a moment before replying. “If you _dare_ tell Mr Wecht or Mr Nolan or anyone else what we've done, I'll kill you. Faggot.”

With that, the phone slammed down, leaving two boys experiencing very different emotions. Vernon felt pure relief – despite Jared's ridiculous threats, he was pretty sure he could tell someone everything now and his guilt would be absolved. Meanwhile, Jared was fuming, rage pumping through his veins. How dare Vernon call him a bully? How _dare_ he? He'd show him what bullying really was.

* * *

 

“Your mom said you had to sleep on the floor.” Arin murmured sleepily on the final night at Dan's house when he felt a familiar hand slip around his waist and the warm weight of another person enter the bed.

“My mom isn't gonna know.” Dan replied.

It had been possibly the best Thanksgiving break ever. Arin had fitted right in with Dan's family, and they in turn adored him – it had been incredibly comfortable and fun, celebrating Thanksgiving in all the traditional ways but in a completely new environment. Then, every morning and every evening Dan and Arin had retired to Dan's room for a few hours. Mostly, they played games together, Dan clutching his stomach, pained by laughter, while Arin screamed at the console. They'd also talked a lot, sharing stories from their pasts and getting to know one another better and better. Dan had a million and one ridiculous stories and quotes about his father, who had to translate everything in his head before he said it and so occasionally had mishaps with the language, while Arin had more than enough embarrassing stories about himself to fill his half of the conversation.

“She will if we oversleep again.” Arin said, not really protesting. Instead, he wriggled around so that his face was an inch from Dan's and their bodies were touching. His skin still tingled at every touch from the older boy, his cheeks turning scarlet if Dan's hand brushed near his crotch.

“Shh, I want to remember this.” Dan told Arin, his eyes sparkling, before pressing their lips together, mouths slightly apart.

That was another thing they'd done a lot of – kissing.

When Arin had blushingly admitted that Dan was the first person he'd made out with – little pecks when he was twelve didn't count, of course – Dan had immediately taken it upon himself to broaden Arin's range of experiences as widely as he could. Arin's first sexual experience had come on the third night, when Dan had crept into the bed and halfway through making out, Dan had given him a fumbling handjob, betraying his own relative inexperience with other boys.

“I love you...” Arin mumbled when they broke apart for air, what felt like hours later.

“I love you too. Now shut up and jerk me off.” Dan grinned, laughing when Arin smacked him on the shoulder.

“You're the worst.” Arin smiled, pecking Dan on the lips.

“I know.” Dan said, wrapping his arm more tightly around Arin's waist. “I wasn't kidding about jerking me off, though.”

Both boys had paroxysms as they tried to keep their laughter quiet in order to avoid waking up other members of the household, Dan's fingers digging into Arin's waist as he tried to keep a grip on himself and Arin's shoulders shaking with mirth. Dan did, however, get his wish.

* * *

 

“Hello, is this the Jafari residence?”

The second person to call had come to Jared in a stroke of pure genius. Jon Jafari. The boy was a freshman, and so wasn't that much younger than Jared himself, but he absolutely idolised him. During elementary and middle school, they'd both been part of the Normal Boots club, a group where the kids with not many friends got together to play board games. They weren't exactly friends, but they'd brag to one another about the video games they had at home and how amazing they both were at them. Jon was a nice kid, a well-behaved kid...but he'd do whatever Jared asked.

“Yes, can I help you?”

“I'm a friend of Jon's from school – Jared Knaubenbauer. May I talk to him?”

“Sure!” Jon's mom pulled away from the phone and shouted for Jon, and a few moments later the distinctive voice of Jon himself came through the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Jon? It's Jared. We hadn't talked in a while, I thought it'd be cool to talk.”

Jared heard a swallow on the other end of the phone, before Jon rather breathily said, “You wanna talk? To me?”

“Yeah! We're friends, aren't we?”

“Yes!” Jon replied, rather too quickly. Jared rolled his eyes. “How are you doing?”

“Awesome – better having spoken to you. It's been too long!” Jared was really laying it on thick, but he knew Jon would fall for it. The boy seemed to have some sort of crush on him, it was quite sickening really. “How are you?”

“Great!”

There was a moment of silence before Jared spoke again, deciding to risk his dignity for the theory that Jon had a crush on him. “Listen, Jon, I was wondering...do you want to go on a date when we get back to school?”

The noise that came from Jon's throat was barely human. “Yes! I mean- yes, that'd be awesome!”

The conversation quickly wound down, a twisted smile on Jared's face. Phase one of his plan to split up the gaggle of friends that had caused him so much trouble was complete.

* * *

 

Avi dropped Dan and Arin back off at school a few hours before everyone else was due back, so they they'd have time to catch up with Ross and Jack and find out how their stupid plans to get drunk had gone. The two boys walked into school hand-in-hand, feeling closer to one another than they'd ever felt to another human. Love burned within them, making their stomachs twist whenever they looked at one another, and their core feel warm as they held on to one another. They really, truly loved one another.

“You're back!” Ross exclaimed when they walked into the common room, knowing that the two boys would likely be taking advantage of the space. He leapt up as if to hug them before thinking better of it and sitting down again, gesturing the couches spread through the room. “Sit down.”

Arin and Dan obeyed, squashing onto the small sofa where Ross and Jack already sat.

“How was your Thanksgiving?” Arin asked, noticing that there seemed to be more tension between the Irish and Australian boys than there had been before. Ross rolled his eyes violently at the question, confirming his suspicion that something had happened.

“This _idiot_ decided to go off singing drinking songs once he was completely destroyed. Nolan's whole family heard him.”

Jack flushed dark red. “You started singing first!” he protested. “I just carried on going to my dorm!”

“I didn't sing about wanting to fuck a 'busty Irish maiden'!” Ross replied. Both boys stopped arguing when Dan and Arin burst out laughing, heavy, breathy laughter that filled the room.

“You sang a song about fucking to _Mr Nolan_?” Dan asked through his laughter, clutching his sides.

“Not _to_ him, just _near_ him.” Jack protested, the laughter of the two older boys infecting him and making him smile a little.

“I thought the Irish were meant to be good at drinking?” Arin said, clutching his sides. Jack rolled his eyes.

“I am!”

“You were _not_.” Ross said, rolling his eyes. “You threw up all over me.”

Jack glared at Ross for a moment, making Arin rather afraid there'd be a punch up, but suddenly the Irish boy burst into laughter as well, leaning against Dan and causing the older boy's laughter to reach new depths. Ross stared at them all for a moment, completely bewildered, before remembering the expression on Mr Nolan's face when he saw Jack swaggering about singing about fucking Irish babes, and joined their laughter.

It was a wonderful moment, one which all four would remember for a long time.

* * *

 

“You want me to _what_?” Jon stared at Jared, mouth slightly open at the absurd request Jared had just made. Jared saw his confusion and laid a hand gently on his wrist, moving it slowly up his arm in a gentle, comforting manner.

“You know they've been fucking with me since the start of the semester. Splitting them up'll be good, trust me.”

“They beat people up, though!” Jon protested. “They beat you up!”

A lazy smirk appeared on Jared's face. “No they didn't. Vernon and I – before he turned into a complete pussy – did it to each other to get them in trouble.”

Confused awe appeared on Jon's face, his fingers twisting together as he comprehended what Jared had said. “You did that? That's...amazing.”

“I know.” Jared said, grinning. “They deserved it – they got me sent to the principal.”

Jared wasn't a bad boy, not really. He simply wasn't suited to the intense environment of boarding school, and had soured over the years, looking out for himself over all others. Boarding school either took someone's best features and emphasised them or their worst, and for a loner like Jared, it was definitely his worst.

“Mmm...” Jon responded non-committally. “So all I have to do is kiss Arin?”

“Yeah, let me explain the full plan...”

Across the school, Arin felt a prickling down his spine.

* * *

 

When Arin went to shower a few mornings later (Ross was still asleep, having gone for a rendezvous with Holly that night), the last thing he expected was to see a freshman who was vaguely friendly with Barry and who he knew to be called Jon standing in the corridor, snivelling.

“Dude, you okay?” he asked, resting a hand on the boy's shoulder. Jon shook his head, one hand covering his face. He stepped a little closer to Arin and whispered,

“The person I like is never gonna notice me.”

Although Arin privately thought that that was a ridiculous reason to be sobbing like that in the middle of the corridor, he was too kind to say so. Instead, he awkwardly rubbed Jon's arm, and said, “Ah dude, I'm sure it's not like that. You're a cool guy, I bet she'll like you. Does she go to the Catholic school down the block? I know a few girls there, I could put in a good word.”

Jon blinked, staring at Arin for a moment before suddenly grabbing him by the waist, leaning forwards and planting a kiss right on his lips. Arin was so shocked that it took him several seconds to comprehend what was happening and yank himself away from Jon, staring at him.

“Dude, what the fuck?” he exclaimed, wiping his mouth. Jon stared at him for a moment longer, a rather confused expression on his face, before sprinting down the corridor at top speed, shouting a “Sorry!” behind him. Arin stood stock still for a moment, completely shocked, before entering the shower room. Jesus Christ. Apparently _he_ was Jon's crush.

Little did he know that Jon and Jared were, at that very moment, uploading the photographs to a school computer so that they could print them off.

* * *

 

“What the fuck...”

Dan stared at the envelope which had been slid under his and Barry's dorm door for a moment before picking it up. It had his name printed on it – actually printed, with a computer, so he had no chance of distinguishing who had put it there. Slipping his finger under the flap, he found it'd been glued shut instead of spat shut – whoever had left it really, really didn't want to be caught.

Inside were eleven photographs, showing his boyfriend and some other kid.

Kissing.

Arin's hand on the kids shoulder, while the kid clutched his waist.

 


	10. The Fear

“Look at these!”

Dan's voice was practically a scream, making Barry jump violently. He'd only just entered the room, expecting that Dan would have gone for his shower, and instead he found his roommate furiously pacing the room, clutching something. Dan thrust the something at Barry.

“Holy shit...” Barry murmured, staring at the photographs. “Holy _shit_.”

“Arin's cheating on me!” Dan exclaimed, suddenly plopping down onto the floor. Tears glistened in his eyes, and to Barry's horror they spilled out and ran down his cheeks. Poor, poor Dan.

“It can't be what it looks like...” Barry said, sliding down onto the floor beside Dan and wrapping an arm tightly around his waist. “Arin wouldn't do this to you.”

“I know we've only been dating for a little while.” Dan's voice sounded breathless and choked. “But I thought I meant something to him...he said he _loved_ me...”

A broken sob escaped Dan's mouth, and Barry desperately clustered around him, for there was nothing else he could do. Bubbles of rage were popping within him, making him want to hunt Arin down and punch him for hurting Dan like this. He didn't quite dare punch him, however – he was too scared of the principal for that. Instead, he satisfied himself by imagining Arin in various embarrassing and/or painful situations while he tried to comfort the sobbing Dan.

“I can't believe it...”

As the sobs escaped Dan, Barry began to cry as well.

* * *

 

To say Arin was surprised when Dan and Barry burst into his room, both looking furious, was an understatement. He and Ross were sat in companionable silence doing their homework – both had decided to skip lunch in favour of copious amounts of candy, so they hadn't seen any of their friends since early that morning when they showered.

The understatement tripled when Dan grabbed Arin by the shoulders and roughly forced him to face him. “How fucking dare you?”

Arin blinked. “What?”

“You fucking know what! I thought I meant something to you, you piece of shit!”

Fear at the expression of pain mingled with fury on Dan's face made Arin stand up and force a gap between him and Dan. “I really don't, Dan. What happened?”

“You're cheating on me. With a fucking _freshman_.” Dan paused and roughly palmed his eyes, evidently trying to suppress tears. “If you didn't want to date, you should have said before I fucking took you home for Thanksgiving, you dick.”

Ross, who had until that moment silently watched the affair, stepped bodily between Dan and Arin, forcing a bigger space between them. “Woah, Dan – Arin wouldn't cheat on you. He's the most monogamous guy I've ever met, don't be crazy.”

There was a moment of silence, before Dan plunged his hand into his pocket and pulled out a sheaf of photographs. They showed Arin and Jon locked into an embrace, Arin seemingly holding Jon close. Ross rolled his eyes.

“Arin, didn't you tell Dan about how Jon jumped you?”

“I doubt he'd have believed me anyway.” Arin blazed, suddenly furious at the accusation. As if he'd cheat on Dan! He loved the boy! “He's so desperate to believe that I'd cheat he wouldn't care.”

“Fuck you, Arin.” Dan spat, pushing Ross so forcefully out of the way that he barrelled into the waiting Barry, knocking them both to the floor. “Stop lying to make yourself feel better. You cheated on me. You're a _cunt_.”

The anger in Arin bubbled up, and before he could stop and think, he drew back and slapped Dan across the face – not a punch, just an open handed slap, his rage knocking Dan sideways. Moments later, Dan tackled him, and soon the two were rolling around on the floor together, getting in punches and kicks whenever they could.

“Help me split them up!” Barry said to Ross, eyes wide. Barry grabbed Dan by the waist and Ross attempted to drag Arin out of the pile, but the two fighting boys were older and stronger and so their attempts were unsuccessful. When a splatter of blood blossomed scarlet on the floor, Barry bit his lip and ran out of the room, shouting for help, while Ross watched with horror on his face as two of his best friends beat the living shit out of one another.

* * *

 

“You two have only been here for three months, and you've already been involved in multiple fights. You were accepted on an experimental basis, and you are putting your place here in future years seriously at risk. Why were you fighting this time?”

Dan's left cheek had a ragged cut along it, covered in medical tape, and one of his eyes was swollen almost shut. Arin had his right wrist in a bandage and his nose plugged with cotton. Both boys had numerous bruises and sore-spots over their entire bodies. Once two nearby teachers had separated them and matron had sorted out their injuries, Mr Wecht had sent them straight to Mr Nolan, his eyes blank masks of disappointment.

“Arin started it, sir.” Dan said, his voice quiet and subdued. As soon as his anger had been pounded into Arin's flesh, the sadness had overtaken him again, making tears flood his eyes and run down his cheeks until they slipped into the cuts and scratches, the stinging sensation a physical manifestation of his pain. His OCD was starting to creep up within him as well – _it's your fault, no one ever really likes you, you deserve it._

“Hanson?”

“Dan accused me of cheating on him, sir.” Arin awkwardly replied, rubbing the sore knuckles of his right hand into the palm of his left. “I took offence at that.”

“This is all over a stupid teenage relationship?” Mr Nolan asked, astonished. A stormcloud of anger crossed his face when both boys nodded. He felt satisfied that both looked absolutely scared out of their wits – one of Dan's fingers had tangled itself into his bushy hair, and Arin looked on the verge of tears. “Two weeks detention with the gardener – and all day on Saturdays. Hanson, face the door, Avidan, bend over.”

Both boys obeyed. When the sound of the paddle cracked through the room, followed by Dan crying out, Arin began to cry too. He loved Dan – he might have only known him for three months, but he adored him, and somehow he had lost him. Each time the paddle found its target Arin winced as if he was being hit himself, his heart breaking as he listened to his love, his boyfriend, his best friend, in pain. Dan hadn't believed him. Dan thought that he had cheated on him.

When Arin took his place, bent over the desk, he barely felt the pain. Instead, he listened to Dan's broken sobs and felt himself shatter into millions of tiny, irreparable pieces.

* * *

 

Arin quickly discovered that, once Dan and Barry spread the photographs around, no one believed him except for Ross. This heightened when Jon told anyone who would listen that he'd been having a secret affair with Arin since almost the start of the year.

“It's such _bullshit_. It's like no one actually knows you!” Ross raged as the two sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria to eat that night. Dan was sat at a table with all the rest of their friends, obviously being comforted by them all. Occasionally, one of them would shoot a dirty look in Arin and Ross's direction.

“If you want to go and eat with them, that's okay.” Arin said dully after a few moments, shovelling forkfuls of food that tasted like cardboard into his mouth. “You shouldn't have to suffer because Jon's being an idiot.”

“No!” Ross exclaimed, staring at Arin like he was an idiot. “You didn't do anything wrong, they're all being bastards. I bet fucking Jared put Jon up to it – probably took the pictures, too.”

“Probably.” Arin agreed. “No way I can prove that, though, and if I kick Jared's ass I'll get thrown out.”

In a rare display of affection, Ross grabbed the top of Arin's hand and quickly squeezed it, before returning to eating. “It'll all come out eventually. I'll get his rat ass back if it kills me, don't worry.”

“Don't bother. He'll just find a way to make it worse for all of us, not just Dan and I.”

As the two boys ate, Jared watched them from across the room, a wide grin on his face. “You've done amazing, Jon. After dinner, do you wanna come back to my room? Jirard'll be out, we can do _whatever_ you want...”

Jon gave Jared a broad smile, still looking up to the boy despite knowing full well that his actions were deplorable. “Yeah!”

* * *

 

Arin had been crying for hours. The whole bedframe shook from the boy's quiet sobbing – he'd long since lost the ability to be restrained, huge sobs wreaking his body as he remembered and re-remembered that he'd lost Dan and let the grief overwhelm him. His pillow was sodden with snot and tears, his eyes sore from the tears, his arms weak from trying to hold it all in. He wanted to scream, to shout, to cut himself...but most of all, he wanted Dan. Longing for the lanky, pretty boy that'd he'd become so attached to filled him, and another burst of sobs shot through him.

“Hey, man, it's okay.”

Suddenly, Arin felt a warmth behind him and suddenly he was being held by someone short and skinny...Ross. The least physically demonstrative person that Arin knew was holding him close, patting his back, stroking his hair.

“It's not.” Arin managed to choke out, humiliation seeping through him that he'd woken up Ross with his tears.

“Please calm down, Arin. I promise you, it'll be okay.”

Ross tucked his arms tightly around Arin, holding the older boy close to him, and began to murmur a steady stream of comforting words into his ear, worry coursing through his veins. When Arin eventually dropped off to sleep at 4am, Ross couldn't bring himself to ease out of bed. Arin needed comfort, he needed another person's presence. At that moment, Ross was the only one who could provide that. The next morning, when Arin woke up, his eyes were still red-raw, but he managed a small smile for Ross. Ross, who had not slept for the entire night, managed an equally small smile back.

* * *

 

Two hard days later, a letter arrived for Arin at the school in a totally unfamiliar script. It was a curly, pretty handwriting that he suspected belonged to a girl, though he wasn't sure what girls would be writing to him. When he opened it, two separate letters fell out in different handwriting.

 

_Hey Arin,_

 

_It's Suzy again – I did email, but I never got a reply, so I thought I'd write. It's always nice to get letters anyway, so I hope this cheers you up a bit. I heard from Holly what happened and I decided to write to you – a letter's more permanent than a phone call, right? I know we only met briefly, but I hope you can consider me a friend. If you ever want to talk to someone totally impartial, I'm here._

 

_Relationships can sometimes go totally to shit, and that sucks. There can be miscommunication, or misunderstanding, and they can cause the whole thing to fall apart. I'm sorry that that's happened to you and Dan, you do NOT deserve that. I believe that that kid Jon jumped you and you aren't cheating on Dan – from every story I've heard from Ross and Holly, you don't seem like the kind of kid to cheat on someone. I believe you._

 

_I will personally kick the ass of anyone who fucks with you. If anyone at all says anything out of order to you, give me their names and I will make them regret it. People don't fuck with my friends._

 

_Love,_

 

_Suzy xxx :)_

 

_**Dear Arin,** _

 

_**It's Holly! Ross and I have been talking a lot about what's happened, and when Suze said she was going to write to you I wanted to write too. You seem like an awesome guy – you're funny, and talented, and kind. Even my pigeon liked you, and Lt. Birb doesn't like many people. You're good. What's happening to you is gross.** _

 

_**I know Jon – we both belong to the Pleasant Valley Ornithological Society, he has a gorgeous bird called Jacques. This seems completely out of character for him, to lie like this and deliberately hurt someone. I know he's had a crush on Jared Knabenbauer for a long time, and I know Jared has been messing with you all year – I think Jared's manipulated him into doing this, Jon'd never do it otherwise. Next meeting, I'll talk to Jon, try and find out what's going on.** _

 

_**I'm really sorry you're going through what you are. I'll speak to Ross about another gaming night, just you two, me, Suzy and Kati. You need to spend time with friends, and we are all your friends.** _

 

_**All my love,** _

 

_**Holly xxx** _

 

As Arin read the letters, he began to sniffle again, tears welling up in his eyes. This time, they weren't from sadness, but from pleasure that people cared about him. Even though there was supposed photographic evidence that he'd cheated on Dan, people believed him, just because they knew him.

In that moment Arin realised that despite all appearances to the contrary, people are overwhelmingly good.

 

 


	11. Fun and Games

Having not participated in the last gaming night, entering Suzy's grandma's house was a new experience. It was a stereotypical old lady house – fussy lace, china ornaments, faded sepia photographs of people long dead. The lounge, however, was spectacular. Set up underneath the television were a handful of different consoles, and a bookshelf against one wall was filled with video games of all types, from party games to simulation games to everything inbetween. The sofas were covered in snug blankets and squashy pillows, and Suzy quickly produced a large quantity of cola and some cookies.

“Okay if I sit next to you?” Suzy asked Arin, forcing a handful of cookies and a glass of cola into his hand. When he nodded, she flopped beside him with the careless grace of someone naturally elegant and snatched a controlled from the coffee table.

“Does your grandma never come home?” Arin said curiously, glancing around the room. Clearly it had been kitted out specially for the game nights, for no old woman would have so many consoles and games.

“No, not since I was seven or eight. If she did, I'd just haul all this stuff up to the attic. She probably wouldn't mind anyway, she thinks it's cool that I game.”

As Arin observed Suzy, he noted that in several ways she was rather similar to Dan. Like him, she was pretty – God, she was pretty, wide eyes and soft skin, lips in the perfect angel's bow, her hair dyed black with an undercut shaved into it. Dan was pretty in a rough way, but Suzy was smooth and polished. Also like Dan, she had an infectious laugh: as they began to play, he noticed that she laughed a lot.

She was cool. Super, super cool.

In a natural progression, he began to consider his sexuality. He'd always labelled himself as gay simply out of ease – 90% of the people he looked at and thought 'hey, I'd bone that', or 'hey, I'd take that on a series of romantic dates before eventually asking them to become my partner' (or sometimes both) were men. Suzy seemed to fulfil that 10% left over and more, though – although Arin was still completely numb from losing Dan, he could appreciate Suzy.

* * *

 

“Shit! Fucking shit!” Arin glowered at the screen as he lost for the third time in a row. It was almost 4am – they'd have to travel back to their respective schools soon, as at the Catholic school the rising bell was ridiculously early, and at Pleasant Valley Academy there was a running club that would be up and about by half six, even on a weekend.

“Dude, you need to calm down.” Suzy laughed, good-naturedly nudging Arin. “Just because I beat you for the seventh time in a row...”

“You suck!” he exclaimed, laughing himself. It felt oddly disrespectful to his relationship with Dan to feel so happy in someone's company, but he couldn't help it. 90% of him was screaming inside, desperate for Dan to hold him again, but 10% was having a ridiculously fun time with Ross, Suzy, Holly and Kati. He couldn't quite decide whether it was okay to laugh – it was like when people died, he never knew whether he was allowed to laugh until someone else did.

“Holly and I are gonna go out to the car.” Ross said at that moment, sending a cheeky wink in Arin's direction as he and his girlfriend slipped out of the front door to get down to some serious making out. Kati glanced at Suzy ad Arin, sat close together on the couch, before excusing herself to the bathroom. Evidently _something_ was going to play out, she didn't want to be a witness to that! Suzy gently laid a hand on Arin's knee, smiling at him.

“It's been super fun playing with you – even if you are a pussy when you lose.” she told him, smiling. Arin stared at her for a moment, lips pressed together and brow furrowed, before making one of the most rash decisions of his life. Throwing caution to the wind, he leant forwards and pressed his lips softly against Suzy's – a sweet, innocent kiss, with no parting of mouths, no 'sharing spit'. _There,_ Arin thought, _now I have cheated. Now I deserve everything Dan said._ After a few seconds, Suzy drew back, a rather confused expression on her face.

“Oh, Arin...” Suzy slipped her hand up and gently cupped the boy's cheek, stroking at the hint of stubble which grew there. The confusion changed from sadness to pity and something else, something deeper. “You don't want to do this.”

Confusion began to flood through Arin's veins, and the earlier satisfaction he had felt at finally fulfilling Dan's words, stabbing Dan in the back, changed to sour guilt. “Oh my God, Suzy, I'm so sorry-”

“It's okay. Just...don't do that. It hurts already.”

Arin stared deeply into Suzy's eyes for several moments before the truth dawned on him: she liked him.

* * *

 

_Hey Arin,_

 

_So, you're feeling super sad because of what's happened with you and Dan, but also angry about it – it's not fair, you didn't kiss that Jon kid by choice, you don't wanna lose Dan. You're also confused because you thought you were gay and then you realise that you find me hot, and you enjoyed kissing me, but it feels disloyal to Dan even though your relationship is in turmoil and you don't even know if you are still boyfriends or not. You're probably also worried about your school work, because being so sad has made you study less, and you're scared of getting detention because you're doing so badly. All that on top of your regular worries – am I calling my family enough, is my health okay, do my friends really like me – and you're a hot mess. That's why you kissed me. Tell me if I'm wrong about any of this, but I've been thinking about you and your situation a lot and this is what I've figured about it._

 

_You need to talk to Dan. Not punch him again, you'll end up getting kicked out, just talk to him. Talk to that fuckboy Jon as well – where the fuck does he get off on this? Jerk. You need to tell him that you kissed me, and you need to explain why you did it._

 

_I like you – a lot. You're funny, and kind, and generous, and all the things a boyfriend should be. You're also super in love with Dan. Do me a favour and get one of those shitty standard issue dictionaries out of your school library. Third word on the left hand side on page 387._

 

_Love,_

 

_Suzy xxx_

 

Reading the letter from Suzy made Arin feel incredibly odd, and rather wrong-footed. How had she managed to pin exactly how he felt and why? _Weird girl voodoo mind-reading shit,_ he finally decided, before considering the last part of the letter. Why did she want him to check a dictionary? They were crappy dictionaries, printed on cheap paper that crumpled up at the slightest touch, and ink that stained your fingers if you barely brushed it. If she wanted him to know the definition of some word, why not just write it out for him?

“Suzy write you again?” Ross asked as he entered the room, staring at the black envelope which the letter had come in – no one would send a letter in a black envelope except for Suzy.

“Yeah.” Arin replied, raking a hand through his long hair. “I don't really know what to think of it?”

“Why?”

“I kissed her, and I didn't even know how I felt about it, but somehow she knew exactly how I felt.”

Ross reached into his backpack and withdrew a candy bar, taking a large bite before replying, “Suzy's smart. Anyway, I thought you were gay?”

The sigh that escaped Arin was ragged and angry. “I don't even fucking know! I just wanna go and pound the shit out of Jared and Jon, but I don't wanna get kicked out.”

“What did Suzy suggest?”

“Talking to Dan and Jon.”

“Suzy's smart.” Ross repeated, looking meaningfully at Arin. “Do what she says.”

Arin nodded, jumping down from his top bunk. Before he sought out Jon and Dan, he needed to visit the library and find a dictionary.

* * *

 

'Polyamory - the practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved.'

When Arin finally found the dictionary that Suzy meant and flipped to the right page, he almost choked on his own spit. Holy _shit_. Turning to place the dictionary back onto its shelf, deciding that he'd mull this new piece of information over later on, he almost walked straight into Dan.

“Hi.” Dan said shortly, his eyes focused on the floor, his fingers twisting together with nerves. The two had been carefully avoiding one another since their fight and the subsequent punishment, and while Arin had been planning on seeking Dan out, running into him was a shock.

“Hey. How are you?” Arin was careful to keep his tone flat and smooth, not allowing any emotions to seep into it. Seeing Dan up close and in the flesh hurt far more than he expected – the idea that he'd never get to hold him, kiss him, love him again, all because of a spiteful boy called Jared, made the pain hit him physically, almost knocking him backwards.

“Okay. You and Ross?”

“Ross is fine. I'm not.” Arin said bluntly, deciding to throw caution to the wind. “Dan, I _love_ you. I could never cheat on you – I wouldn't cheat on anyone. I never got a chance to explain what happened – Jon was crying when I went to have a shower, so I tried to comfort him and he just kissed me. Don't you wonder why there's photographs to start with? Why would someone take photographs of it unless they wanted to cause us trouble?”

To Arin's horror, Dan's eyes slowly filled with tears – every urge told Arin to pull the boy close and hold him, but he knew it would be unwise. “I wish I could believe you. I love you too – I want to be with you – but you _have_ to be lying. Sure, Jared is probably the one who took the pictures, and he probably did it to cause trouble, but he and Jon aren't really friends – why would Jon _kiss_ you for him?”

Arin opened his mouth to respond, but instead burst suddenly and spectacularly into tears, the droplets rolling down his cheeks and an ugly half-sob breaking out of his mouth. All of the emotion which had hit him spilled out, anger and sadness warring for domination. “Dan! I love you!”

“I love you too.” Dan whispered, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks as he bit his lip. “Let me know when you're gonna stop lying.”

With that, he walked away, leaving Arin to sob in the library. Eyes blurred by tears, Arin watched Dan leave and silently sank to the floor.

Dan still didn't believe him, and it was too much.

* * *

 

The cafeteria fell silent as the doors slammed open. There stood matron, the woman who cared for the students health, holding a petrified looking Jared by the shoulder. In Jared's hand was a small baggy of white powder.

“Mr Nolan!”

The whole student body watched, completely awe-struck, as Mr Nolan stormed through the room and roughhoused Jared out of the room, a couple of other senior members of staff as well as Mr Lilley (Jared's head of house) following close behind.

“What d'ya think he's done?” Ross asked Arin as sound gradually began to fill the room again, students gossiping about whatever it was they had seen.

“Drugs, duh.” Arin replied, managing a small grin. “I don't think they were getting so mad over some sugar. Matron probably found it during a dorm inspection.”

“Jared doesn't seem like the type to do drugs, though.” Ross said, curiosity ebbing and flowing within him. “Maybe that was how he got Jon to do his bidding.”

Arin mulled over Ross's words for a moment before responding. “Jon's only fourteen – fourteen year old kids don't do drugs, do they?”

“Yeah, right, and sophomores don't sneak out to play fucking video games.” Ross scoffed. “There are probably kids in the middle school who do drugs.”

Arin continued to eat his breakfast, before suddenly realising something – drugs would definitely be an expellable offence. If Jared got kicked out, Jon would confess that he'd been set up and Dan would finally believe him!

 


	12. Finding You

_Dear Dan,_

 

_I hope you don't mind me writing to you – it's Suzy, from the gaming night? I'm friends with Ross and Barry. I've heard from Holly everything that's happened between you and Arin, and I wanted to write. You're being an idiot. I don't know Arin too well, but I've heard so much from Ross and Holly about him that I feel like I'm close with him – he wouldn't cheat on you. By all accounts, he idolises you. I know about your shitty mental health, and I'm sorry, but that isn't an excuse. He loves you, and you're throwing it away because of your own self-hatred. You think you deserve to be cheated on, so you refuse to see evidence to the contrary. Go and talk to him – talk to that Jon kid, too. If you let Arin go, you are a pathetic shitlord._

 

_Love,_

 

_Suzy xxx_

 

**Dear Suzy,**

 

**No offense, but you have no idea what's happened between Arin and I, or who we are as people. Yeah, I would have agreed with you a couple of weeks ago – I didn't think Arin would cheat either. There's literal photographic evidence, though – photographs don't lie. I know you're well-intentioned but in this case you're wrong, I'm afraid.**

 

**All the best,**

 

**Dan**

 

_Dear Dan,_

 

_Bullshit. Ross shares a room with Arin, I share a room with Ross's girlfriend, I hear everything. I know that you had a photograph shoved anonymously under your door (pretty fucking cowardly – if someone was well intentioned in telling you that Arin was supposedly cheating on you, they wouldn't be so sneaky about it), you decided that Arin was cheating, didn't give him a chance to say anything and then you both beat the shit out of one another. You're acting like pathetic children – you especially. I really like you, Dan, I've heard a lot of awesome stuff about you. You seem like a nice kid. That's why your behaviour is so inexcusable: you're so nice that you should give Arin a chance to get a word in._

 

_I am personally going to kick your ass if you don't speak to Arin, Jon and preferably Jared too by this time next week. You and Arin are so lucky to have one another, don't throw it away over someone else's malicious act. You're kind and funny and generous, don't ruin it by being a cunt now._

 

_Love,_

 

_Suzy xxx_

 

**Dear Suzy,**

 

**You're right about acting like kids, and you're right that Arin and I WERE lucky to have another. That's over now.**

 

**From,**

 

**Dan**

 

_Dear Dan,_

 

_School dictionary, page 387, third word on the left._

 

_Love,_

 

_Suzy xxx_

* * *

 

“Could Arin Hanson, Mark Fischbach and Ross O'Donovan go to the principal's office immediately, please?”

The teacher at the front of the classroom harrumphed at the polite request from the prefect but waved an impatient hand at the door, indicating that the three pupils should leave before she changed her mind. Once out of the classroom, all three boys turned to one another in a pure panic.

“What've you done?” Mark demanded, staring between the other boys with wide eyes. Evidently the fact he'd stuck with Dan throughout the cheating scandal meant nothing now they were facing trouble.

“Nothing! We've done nothing!” Ross said, swallowing loudly. “Arin, can you think of anything?”

The oldest boy shook his head, worry coursing through him. Every time he'd visited the principal it had ended most unpleasantly, and he had no reason to believe that this incident would end any differently. “Unless he knows about going out to game – if Mr Wecht told him, he said he'd worked out we'd been going out at night.”

Mark shook his head, lips pressing together anxiously. “It's been a couple of months, he'd have reported it earlier if he was going to. It's gotta be something else.”

The three boys fell into silence as they made their way to the principal's office, anxiety pumping through their veins. Once they arrived, each took a moment to smarten up their uniform (after all, it couldn't hurt) before Ross squeezed his eyes shut in silent prayer and knocked on the door.

“Come in!”

The sight inside of the office surprised all three of them: Mr Nolan and Mr Wecht sat on one side of the desk, while stood around the other side were Barry, Jack and Dan. From the expressions on the boys faces, they hadn't yet been told why they were there.

* * *

 

“I owe you boys an apology.” Mr Nolan said frankly, surprising all six of them. “Or rather, Jared Knabenbauer does.”

All of the boys expected something out of a movie – for Jared to pop out from behind the curtains and beg their forgiveness. When nothing like that came, they began to stare at Mr Nolan, awaiting his next words. Instead, Mr Wecht spoke.

“Some of you have ended up suffering worse than others because of Jared. We want to tell you that Jared is no longer a student at Pleasant Valley Academy.”

“The scene in the cafeteria yesterday was caused because matron caught Jared trying to hide cocaine in your room, Ross and Arin. He confessed that he was going to hide it in all of your rooms, as 'revenge'. He confessed to a lot of other things, too, and after speaking to Vernon Shaw and Jon Jafari we have confirmed them as being true.” Mr Nolan looked as if he had consumed something particularly bitter as he spoke, his nose wrinkling. “He provoked you, pretended to be beaten up by you, provided sexual favours to Jon Jafari in return for kissing you, Arin-”

Mr Nolan stopped talking when he saw four heads snap in surprise to look at Arin: Jack, Mark, Barry and Dan. Dan especially looked shocked, a tiny “Oh my god...” escaped his lips.

“Your behavioural records have been officially expunged of crimes which were directly caused by Jared Knabenbauer, and your parents have been informed of the whole story.”

Neither Dan nor Arin heard his words as they stared at one another, a whole silent conversation taking place. Arin's eyes were narrow and rather accusatory, while Dan's were filled with tears and sorrow. Jesus fucking Christ. Arin had been telling the truth. Before Mr Nolan could finish his speech, Arin rocketed off of his chair and threw himself at Dan, hugging the boy close. Dan held him back, wrapping his arms around the younger boy as tightly as he could. The two boys ignored Mr Nolan's scandalised commands for them to let go of one another, and the cheering of Barry, simply holding one another.

“I'm so sorry...” Dan whispered, his face an inch from Arin's, the tears which had swelled in his eyes now falling down his cheeks. “I should have believed you.”

“I forgive you.”

* * *

 

“I'm glad everyone's friends again.” Barry said later that day, as the group of friends sat down to dinner. Dan was sat on Arin's lap, and none of the teachers had the heart to tell him to get off – they'd all heard the story and sympathised with the two boys. Of course, being more experienced with the ways of life than the boys, they also knew that a lot of hurt and resentment would eventually crop up within Arin at being mistrusted so by Dan, but they kept quiet about that too. For now, the two boys simply held one another, love passing from one to the other via the warmth of their bodies.

“I really am sorry about that.” Jack frankly apologised, a frown on his face. “I thought the photograph was proof, I should have known.”

“It's okay.” Arin replied, smiling a little as Dan leant back against him. “If I was in your position, I sure as shit would have believed a photograph.”

“It's not okay, but there's not much you can do about it.” Ross said. He, unlike Arin, wasn't lovestruck and so was feeling slightly less forgiving. However, even Ross felt rather happy and giggly at how clearly ecstatic Arin and Danny were, and so he dropped the subject without another word, allowing the conversation to turn to Jon and Vernon. The two boys were sat together in the corner of the room, looking rather shellshocked.

“We should let them eat with us.” Mark said, the generosity of the situation getting to him. “It was mostly Jared, not them.”

Before anyone could protest, Barry stood up and crossed the room to them. A short conversation took place, which no one could make out at the distance, before Vernon and Jon followed Barry and sat at the table with their trays of food.

“Arin, I'm sorry.” Jon said as soon as he sat down. “I didn't realise what Jared was doing.”

“When I _did_ realise, I got out.” Vernon added, before giving a rueful smile. “Anyway, I'm pretty sure Nolan impressed upon us exactly why we're terrible people.”

Ross laughed, making everyone else at the table jump. “You get the paddle?” when the two boys nodded, he laughed again. “Good. You deserved it. You were absolute cunts.”

Jon nodded. “Yeah, true – if you want us to-”

“Nah.” Ross shook his head. “You already got your ass kicked, you can stay. Right, Arin?”

Arin nodded. Everything was beautiful, and he had no desire to lessen that. Jon and Vernon had, in their own ways, been victims of Jared too – Vernon especially, considering they'd been friends since they were little kids.

* * *

 

“If we get caught we'll get sent to the principal, and I've only just gotten used to not being one of the bad kids.” Dan murmured as Arin snuggled into him. They'd convinced Barry to room with Ross for the night, so that the two of them could work things out as well as spend some time in private together.

“Maybe I could help bring back some of your sexy teacher and student fantasies.” Arin replied, grinning. His whole body was wrapped around Dan's, the two of them pinned together – not really spooning, for it was even closer than that. “Listen, I need to talk to you.”

“What's up, Big Cat?”

“I kissed Suzy when we were fighting.”

“I know.”

Arin blinked. He had not expected that, not at all. “How'd'ya know?”

“Suzy's been writing to me. We spoke on the phone a few times too, she's an awesome girl. Mostly threatening to kick my ass if I didn't get my act together and talk to you, also sending me directions to words in the dictionary. That's what I was doing when we met in the library, looking up a word she sent me.”

“Was it polyamory, by any chance?” Arin asked, smiling widely. He'd had a couple of phone calls with Suzy as well as her letter, just like Dan, and she'd hinted she was 'handling' something.

“Sure a shit was.”

Both boys laughed, their warm breath mingling in the cool air of the dorm. “What do you think?” Arin eventually said, curiosity burning within him. He liked Suzy, far more than he'd initially realised, and he although he didn't know her all that well he was pretty sure she had some kind of insight into his brain or his soul.

“I'd like to get to know her better first, maybe go on a few dates...but I think I'd like it. She's really, really cool.”

“I was thinking the same thing. She's a pretty good balance between us.”

The boys chattered about everything and nothing for a few more minutes before slipping into sleep, both truly happy for the first time in a long time.

* * *

 

Two weeks later, a small icecream parlour in the next town was filled with the laughter of three teenagers, two boys and a girl. The three sat squashed into a corner seat, feeding icecream to one another and behaving like children, all with a sense of something great to come. Little did they know that they were sat with their two soulmates. All thoughts of Jared were forgotten as they came to appreciate just how much the world had to offer.

 


End file.
